Good morning and greetings, late spring fans. Another week has flown by and become a pleasant, yet quickly fading memory. Last week, both my children experienced some closure, as my son returned home from his freshman year at college and my daughter finished her sophomore year in high school. I have no memory of how I felt at those two junctures in my life, or for that matter, my thoughts at a good number of semi-momentus occasions from my past. No matter which way I slice it or dice it, my cranium is ripening like a golden papaya. As Mark Twain said, “What is human life? The first third is a good time, the rest remembering about it.”

I then must ask the question, is it really important to remember what I was thinking or feeling when these events occurred? I believe it was either Justin Beiber’s barber or the Dali Lama’s second cousin who had this thought. “One day at a time-this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone, and do not be troubled by the future, for it is yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it is worth remembering.” As a photographer, I capture the present, then share the past in the future. I believe that was a Kodak moment.

I’ve got to admit, I’m a little concerned about my legacy, because at this point, no one will ever accuse me of being a workaholic. The words “I wish I had spent more time at the office,” will never be uttered from my lips. That’s why I got a little nervous when I ran into this quote from Theodore Roosevelt. “There has never yet been a man in our history who led a life of ease whose name is worth remembering?” Well, in the words of Charles Barkley or Charles Dickens, “Never say never.” And never, never, never look away.

These days I try to focus ahead, because all the stuff that happened in the past doesn’t really seem quite as important. I don’t plan on living forever, although my father is going somewhat strong at age 96, so I figure I’ve got a few more Chinese birthday dinners in me. Sometimes it’s just about the cream cheese filled wontons. That’s crab rangoon if you’re keeping score at home.

Bottom line, the only things we’ll never know is how much time we have on this earth and when that jury duty summons is coming. But it seems through advances in medicine and energy drinks that people are living longer and longer. Just my luck, I’m finally getting my head together and my body is falling apart.

I know my hearing isn’t what it used to be. I’ve turned the response of “What?” into an art form. It doesn’t surprise me, as neither of my parents have heard a word since the Carter Administration. It’s like the old joke. A guy is talking to his neighbor telling him about the new hearing aid he just got. “It costs a fortune, but it was worth it. It works perfectly.” “Really,” said the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Ten thirty.”

Speaking of aging, last week in Japan, the world’s oldest person besides Johh McCain, and the oldest man to have ever lived died of natural causes at age 116. Jiroemon Kimura, who was born in 1897, died last Wednesday morning from old age. Kimura was was recognized by Guinness World Records as the world’s oldest living person in December 2012, after a woman from the United States died at the age of 115 after a surfing accident.

That month he also broke another record when he was verified as the oldest man ever to have lived, after reaching the age of 115 years and 253 days. And this was without ever commenting on the weather, asking what time it was or changing his TV channel. He was but a simple man.

Although he was the only the third man in history to reach 115 years of age, he was well off the all-time record set by French woman Jeanne Calment, who surrendered in 1997 at the age of 122, when she was run over by a squirrel gathering acorns, making her the longest living person in history to be done in by a small rodent.

Kimura worked at a post office for about 40 years. Friends say that’s what killed him. After retiring he took up farming, which he continued to do until the age of 90, when he got a computer and spent all this free time cruising dating sites. He did not smoke and only ate until he was 80 percent full. But neighbors say he drank like a fish. Kimura’s motto in life was “to eat light and live long,” means I may have to back off the chocolate cake in the morning.

“Jiroemon Kimura was an exceptional person,” said Craig Glenday, editor-in-chief of Guinness World Records. “As the only man to have ever lived for 116 years, he has a truly special place in world history.” The new oldest living man is James McCoubrey, an American who was born in Canada on Sept. 13, 1901. He’s 111 years old, which makes him the 32nd-oldest living person in the world. And all those who are older are women.

I think I know why women live longer. They are born with stronger immune system, which gives them the inner strength to deal with the opposite sex. They come with a better set of instruments, which leads to greater understanding and insight. They know they’re going to be around longer, so they can kick back and go with the flow. So that’s why my wife lets me hold the remote control when we watch TV. Because she knows time, time, time, is on her side, yes it is.

For today’s photo galaxy we are heading to Natural Bridges State Beach on the night of February 2. The orange and red tone of the clouds and the reflection on the sand was a sight to behold. I took it as a good sign for the days to come from our shortest month. I never tire of photographing the last remaining arch, as once their was three and now there is one. And in the words of Three Dog Night “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. Two can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number one.” Joy to the world.

On to some late night humor. ” The NSA has been listening in on phone calls. It’s people with cellphones. You know your phone is being tapped when you’re having a conversation and you hear the attorney general breathing. Happy birthday to the president’s daughter Sasha, who is 12 years old. For her birthday, her father gave her Justin Bieber’s phone records.” –David Letterman “There’s talk that boy band One Direction is trying to win over Justin Bieber’s fans who aren’t happy with Bieber’s recent behavior. Those guys from One Direction better be careful, or this could result in the world’s most adorable fistfight.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton finally joined Twitter yesterday and racked up more than 200,000 followers in only five hours. Yeah, they were like, “Hillary in 2016!” and “Washington needs Hillary!” and “Hillary for the White House!” That’s not her followers. Those were her tweets. As part of a senior prank, students at a high school in Washington spray-painted all over their school, but they actually misspelled the word “senior” twice. That probably explains why they didn’t get into “collage.” – Jimmy Fallon

“There are reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants. How many guys are going to use this as an excuse? “Honey, I’m not looking at her breasts. I’m working for Homeland Security.” The guy who blew the whistle on the NSA scandal is a former security worker named Edward Snowden. He is a high school dropout. He was making $122,000 a year. He lived in Hawaii. He was engaged to a beautiful former ballerina. And he gave it all up. So not only is he a whistleblower. He’s also a moron. – Jay Leno

“House Speaker John Boehner called NSA’s Edward Snowden a traitor. But only because he leaked the name of his tanning bed. McDonald’s has started introducing breakfast items at night for what it calls an after-midnight menu. It’s all part of McDonald’s’ new slogan, “Welcome alcoholics.” – Conan O’Brien

So enjoy the NBA Finals. We’ll catch you showing NBA fans why, despite painful knee problems, that you can still light it up any night. Aloha, mahalo and later, Dwyane Wade fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA Finals fans. We are in the midst of the NBA Championship series between the the San Antonio Spurs, led by Eva Longoria’s ex-husband Tony Parker, and the Miami Heat, who are fronted by the greatest player in the free world, LeBron James, who was on the cover of Sports Illustrated as a fetus and dubbed “The Chosen One.” Who even knew he was Jewish?

I know many of you don’t give a rat’s behind about basketball, but when you watch a player like King James, you are witnessing history. This spectacular individual, who hails from Akron, Ohio, has been a fixture on the national scene since high school, where much like myself, he fought a lot of battles. His were with demons and power forwards while mine was the French Club, but you get the picture. As Kurt Vonnegut once noted, “True terror is to wake up one morning and realize your high school class is running the country.”

Lebron didn’t have things easy growing up, until a family took him in and gave him the love and guidance that put him on the right path. He is a physical specimen with immense talent, who is at the top of his game. He finally reached the mountaintop last year, when he won an NBA championship, and now he and his teammates are hoping to repeat, which in the NBA is slightly easier than getting the toothpaste back in the tube tops of the Miami Heat Dancers.

So with the season ending I’ll soon have free time to explore my other interests, like bull fighting, storm chasing and listening to classical music. I’ll be free to explore things on my to do list, like hiking the Appalachian Trail with Mark Sanford, starting up a men’s groups for the Guadalajara and Sinaloa drug cartels and climbing Mount Everest without any pants or oxygen tanks.

And from what I hear, there’s as much traffic heading up Everest these days as the 405 freeway at rush hour, although less frozen bodies in the diamond lane. But take a map and a scorecard, as over 200 bodies and counting are buried in the snow at 26,000 feet up, a place not affectionately known as the “Death Zone.”

I don’t really get the whole extreme mountain climbing deal. Personally, I have no interest in slipping through an ice crevice and plunging to a frozen grave. That’s what my dreams are for. We’re talking life and death here. I’m sure the view is great, so buy a post card. Is this challenge really worth risking your life for? It seems extremely selfish, especially if you have a family. If you really want to be challenged, try changing a dirty diaper in the middle of the night.

Here’s a mountain worth climbing, one that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. took a shot at. “I just want to do God’s will. And he’s allowed me to go the mountain. And I’ve looked over and seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land.” Amen, brother.

So being a pacifist aggressive, I choose to sit back and watch the National Geographic Channel, not live it. I prefer to be living indoors, not “Locked Up Abroad,” a program on the NGC that I am totally fascinated with. I’ll probably never tunnel out from a Mexican jail or escape from a prison in Ecuador, but now I know how, thanks to my friends from the Brotherhood of Eternal Love out of Laguna Beach. Love is our law and perfection is our destiny. Or to paraphrase the late John Denver, “Orange sunshine, on my shoulders, makes me happy.”

Let’s move on to a lighter and as colorful subject. It’s been three months since I’ve shot a sunrise or a glance at my physique. In that time, I’ve taken a few photos, mostly of flowers and ice plants. Spring flowers are beautiful and fun to photograph, but shooting them is not really an adventure, like answering questions over the phone about qualifying for long care health insurance. Really glad I was on top of my game that day and remembered my name and where I was born, but the interviewer almost stumped me when she asked me to name the actress who plays the emotionally-conflicted undercover detective on “Rogue,” my new favorite show on DirecTV’s Audience Network.

So today I am featuring the last sunrise shot of the 2012-13 season that I shot from various points along West Cliff Drive. The colors in the sky were mixtures of yellow, gold, tangerine, magenta, cherry and avocado. The glow of the clouds on the water was nothing Martin Short of magnificent. It was a outstanding going away party open to all, with no invitations required. Rest assured, the early bird catches more than worms.

On to a little late night humor. “In Pakistan, the Taliban’s No. 2 man has been killed by an American drone. In a related story, today the Taliban’s No. 3 man said he’s stepping down to spend more time with his family. Convicted killer Joran van der Sloot is engaged and will get married in a prison in Peru. I’ve got a better idea. Cancel that wedding. Let’s fix him up with Jodi Arias, have them go on a date, and let nature take its course.” – Jay Leno

“Starbucks is now banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It will get even worse for smokers once they realize every Starbucks is about 25 feet from another Starbucks. A new study found that drinking soda is just as bad for your teeth as using meth. However, soda is still less likely to make you live under a bridge with a guy named Snake.” – Jimmy Fallon

And now, a joke. A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. ‘I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.’ So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, ‘I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?’ the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the microphone and says, ‘Why don’t we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!’

So that’s our early NBA Finals report. We’ll catch you showing NBA fans that you can divorce a woman like Eva Longoria and still come out smelling like a Derrick Rose. Aloha, mahalo and later, Tony Parker fans.

Good morning and greetings, rock and roll fans. Music is my mistress, as many days I walk around with a certain song playing over and over in my head, drowning out the voices that I normally hear and cherish. And cherish is a word I use to describe all the feelings that I have for you cyber readers inside.

Speaking of cherish, not to be confused with cherries, which are bursting with flavor and sweetness this time of the year, it was the first song played when my wife and I hit the dance floor at our wedding. It was either going to be that or the Guess Who’s’ American Woman,’ but “American woman, stay away from me,” really didn’t set the tone for what is an ongoing, twenty-four year journey of love, trust and Tivo, and definitely not in that order.

My wife and I have become inseparable, like two snow peas in a pod. She makes sure I’m balanced and rotated, like a good set of Michelin tires. I’m not sure she feels the same way, as the other day she quoted feminist Gloria Steinem, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” She then followed with this doozy from the former undercover Playboy Bunny, “The surest way to be alone is to get married.” I broke down and I cried. Hallmark couldn’t have said it any better.

After dropping off our daughter at school in the morning, we walk together on beautiful West Cliff Drive. It’s a magnificent way to start the day. She tells me about her hopes, dreams and aspirations, while my mind wonders about what I’ll be making for dinner that night. But through my nodding and inane comments she knows that I’m listening, a trait that is not easy for me, as my mind races faster than the earth rotates around Oprah. As she once told David Letterman, “When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes.” And that’s why I wear sunglasses, because I’m finally getting the feeling that at this belated date, my future is ahead of me.

But stop the presses. Five minutes after I wrote the line about my brightening future, I had to remove my shades, as I received a phone call from a long time compatriot that put a damper on my previous statement. I found it somewhat ironic that less than 300 seconds after I had written the most optimistic sentence in my blogging career, I was suddenly no longer in that moment of joy and excitement. I was in a place that I had visited way too often in my life, where I didn’t need to make an appointment as it seemed they were expecting me. The future just ain’t what it used to be.

The situation brought to mind a scene from Woody Allen’s “Play I Again, Sam,” where he’s in a museum, attempting to pick up a woman who’s looking at a painting. Woody: That’s quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn’t it? Woman: Yes, it is. Woody: What does it say to you? Woman: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak straitjacket in a black, absurd cosmos. Woody: What are you doing Saturday night? Woman: Committing suicide. Woody: What about Friday night?

Life is so strange, but with all the good and bad, it’s really just how you perceive it between your two ears. It seems like every day I’m getting older. Pablo Picasso said it takes a long time to grow young. I don’t want to say I’m getting old, but the most exercise I get is looking for my glasses. I’ve already lived the lives of five golden retrievers. And yet I still want to chase that tennis ball.

However, for a young man in his 60′s, I’m great shape. Despite waking up to go to the bathroom 13,000 times a night, I’m always fresh and raring to go in the morning. I know I don’t get enough sleep, and perhaps that’s why I spend a good part of the day opening my mouth involuntarily while taking a long, deep breath of air. I believe the medical term is called yawning and is a result of stress, tiredness and extreme virility. Throw in the fact that I snore like a banchee and next to Lou Gehrig, my wife might be the luckiest man alive.

The most important thing for me is keeping my mind active and making sure my DVR is plugged in. That’s why week after week I pound away at this key board, like Mozart with a jump shot, trying to put together some words and sentences together that don’t violate the Volstead Act. And who knows what the future holds? I could be sitting on a gold mine. So stay tuned.

For today’s photo appetizer, I’m finishing what I started two weeks, ago, when I featured a gorgeous late January sunrise shot at Steamers Lane. The mid afternoon cloud action over the bay was incredible. Today’s photos are the second half of the daily double, which was the fabulous sunset I shot that same night.

I started out my photographic adventure at Stockton Avenue along West Cliff Drive, and then like Lewis and Clark without the services of Sacagawea, made my way up to Natural Bridges for the grand finale. Just a beautiful night from the winter of 2013 on Monterey Bay. Days like this is why God invented the sky.

No late night humor this week so I’m going with a few jokes. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says “What the hell was that all about?”

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, “Here’s a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.” The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It’s a woman. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?” A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?” He says: “What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?” Another few days go by, and it’s raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, “Honey, there’s a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?” He says, “What do I look like, Bob Vila?” The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. “Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them,” she says. “Great! How much is that going to cost me?” he snarls. Wife says: “Nothing. He said he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.” “Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?” asks the husband. “What do I look like,” she says, “Betty Crocker?”

So that’s our first blast for June. We’ll catch you stepping up in the playoffs and showing NBA fans why you’re the best young center in the eastern conference. Aloha, mahalo and later, Roy Hibbert fans.

Good morning and greetings, extreme weather fans. It was a bit breezy on the westside of town last week, as the trade winds were gusting along the coast. The winds brought with them chains of pelicans, who flew by in glorious formations, with many stopping at the remaining arch at Natural Bridges to shower, shave and recharge their cell phones, which they keep in their bills. That’s right, cell phone bills. Can you hear me now?

So you may be wondering, how windy was it? It was so windy that on my wife’s birthday on Saturday, she didn’t have to blow out the candles. Unfortunately, her wish did not come true, as when the candles were extinguished, the basketball season still wasn’t over.

My wife and I follow the advice of that wise sage Phyllis Diller “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” Our marriage is still a work in progress, although she is constantly saying that I never listen to her. At least that’s what I think she said.

So getting back to my wife’s hoop dreams, if you’re an NBA fan, last week was a good one for you, as there were back-to-back overtime thrillers at the start of the conference finals. I realize that professional basketball on TV is not watched by every American with a pulse, with the main reason being the lack of constant violence, as players don’t smash into one another play after play until only the non-conscussioners are left standing. Basketball is a much more graceful sport, played by seven foot ballerinas with wing spans the size of pterodactyls and contracts even bigger.

But as basketball nuts were rejoicing, it was not a good week for the folks in Moore, Oklahoma, as a killer tornado packing 200 mile an hour winds tore through the city, leveling everything in its path. The photos of the destruction were terrifyingly amazing. I remember being instructed as a young child to wait 30 minutes after eating before going swimming and never turn your back on a tornado. And the world’s most dangerous food is wedding cake.

It was a scene of total devastation, as buildings, homes and schools were leveled by a storm that lasted less than an hour but will affect lives forever. It seems, like my subconcious wanderings, that the weather continues to get wilder and wilder, and if this is not global warming, than God is really pissed off about something. And he wanted me to remind you, his last name isn’t “Dammit.”

Perhaps he’s peeved because people litter. I originally supported the death penalty for litterers, but I’ve mellowed over the years and life without the possibility of an egg roll would suffice. I’m still amazed that as I stroll around in 2013, some morons still treat the earth like their personal ash tray. Listen, if you want to suck in that tar and nicotine into your lungs, be my guest. But I would really appreciate if you would not exhale, thereby not polluting my air space and that way getting double the carcinogens to build a straw mind and an unhealthy body. That may sound cruel, but I’m not living in Marlboro country.

And don’t get me started on the slaughter of African elephants by poachers fulfilling the Chinese insatiable need for ivory. I’m not of big fan of extinction, but that’s where these giant creatures of the forest are headed. And Asian gangs are to blame, as I may have to call for an international ban of all chow fun products. What do you get if a herd of elephants tramples Batman and Robin? Flatman and Ribbon.

Continuing on the litter front, the other day I was driving by a fast food establishment, which will remain nameless, (Burger King) and I saw a woman toss her lunch out of her window and onto the ground of the parking lot. My immediate reaction was wanted to strangle her and then go in and order the new Memphis pulled pork sandwich with an Oreo shake. This woman needed a severe scolding or a lobotomy, although I doubt either would have helped. So I opted for the strawberry banana smoothie and some blood pressure medication.

I’m always wondering, where are these people’s consciences, where are their souls? Now, this isn’t the world’s worst offense, like murder or pirating a cable signal, but it leads me to believe that these people, like the batteries in my transistor radio, are dead inside. Which brings to mind the words of Marilyn Monroe, firing back at her critics when she said, “It’s not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.” Works for me.

So where is this all leading? Well, while our military is racked by gross sexual misconduct, troops still dying in Afghanistan and the IRS being called in for a major audit, spring flowers, gently prodded by April showers, continue to bloom.

We had a little rainfall on the morning of May 12, so I put on my Doobie Brothers raincoat, grabbed my camera and headed out into the pleasant storm. I didn’t have to travel much further than my front yard, as this year, the roses are blooming faster than I can make bouquets. I’d like to think that it’s my organic gardening technique, but that would be giving myself more credit than when I graded myself in college at Syracuse.

I cut back these beauties in the winter, and as a way of saying thanks, they came back with a vengeance I haven’t seen since Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas hit the big screen in ‘War of the Roses.” Let me end with a flowery quote from former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. ““I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.” Thank you and good night.

On to some late night humor. “During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener. A new international poll finds the least popular country in the world is Iran. After hearing this, North Korea said, “What do we have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

“Anthony Weiner has formally announced he is running for mayor of New York City. “Weiner said, ‘Nobody will work harder to make it better.’ As opposed to his first campaign promise, which was ‘Nobody will work better to make it harder.’” –Jay Leno “Everything’s going bad for President Obama with Benghazi and other controversies. But Obama’s trying to turn things around. He’s sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber’s monkey.” –David Letterman Meanwhile, in Saudi Arabia the head of the religious police said he believes that Saudi citizens who use Twitter will go to hell. Let me get this straight. Tweeting leads to damnation. But filling a palace with kidnapped beauty contestants — that’s OK?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Really, Tea Party? Really? You’re surprised that you’re targeted by the IRS? You named yourself after a group of people who proudly and historically violated tax laws! Look, if I had a vanity license plate that said ‘Weed 420,’ I might expect to get pulled over now and then. “Prince Harry this week toured the Jersey Shore with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It was the first meeting between the Prince, of the House of Windsor, and the Governor, of the House of Pancake.’” –Amy Poehler

“If you think Benghazi is worse than slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment, Tuskegee, purposefully injecting Guatemalan mental patients with syphilis, lying about WMDs, and the fact that banks today are still foreclosing on mortgages they don’t own, then your hard-on for Obama has lasted more than four hours, and you need to call a doctor. “The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, ‘I feel like I’m on Oxycontin again.’” –Bill Maher

So that’s our last blast for May. Birthday wishes go out on Tuesday to my sister-in-law Wendi Gilbert, who lives by the simple philosophy that any day involving chocolate is a good day.

We’ll catch you showing the Miami Heat and a national TV audience why you look like an-up-and coming NBA superstar. Aloha, mahalo and later, Paul George fans.

Good morning and greetings, sunrise fans. Ah, what a short, strange trip life is. We never know what’s around the corner or why the grass is greener on the other side of the defense. It’s not that I’m feeling my age, because I really believe that 60 is the new 58. When I gaze into the mirror, I generally like what I see. But still, for someone like myself, being 60 years old still blows what’s left of my mind. Because let’s face it, I’m no spring chicken, although I am very tender and have a high ratio of white to dark meat.

Now I can’t say for sure how how long I’ll be around, because that’s the number only the Big Guy and my life coach knows. But with my father being 96 and still telling my mother how gorgeous she is, and mother, at 87 not hearing half of what he says, things look good for me penning these verbs of wisdom for a while.

I believe it was Oscar Wilde or Oscar Madison who said, “The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life’s tragedy.” Well, that and my favorite police drama, ‘Southland,’ being cancelled on TNT. The show was critically acclaimed and more authentic than half the stuff on my resume.

So with my wordsmanship, it’s all about trying to create something semi-coherent with 26 of my favorite vowels and continents. After meditating and praying like a mantis in an effort to come up with a topic for this post, I came up with a blank slate. Normally, thoughts burn inside me like a urinary tract infection, but I just wasn’t my antibiotic self.

So nothing was really stirring inside except for my thoughts on the NBA playoffs, which I had been lucky enough to be spouting off about over the radio air waves for the past month. Unfortunately, in just a few weeks from now, I will go cold turkey, which I happen to like with a little cranberry sauce, as the the basketball playoffs will have ended. I will then be left with the question, what to do with all this free time? Except for a couple of nights when I decided to delight my wife and go NBA free, I have watched basketball every evening for six and a half months without winking or blinking.

As a result of I being engrossed watching players who earn more in a day than I do in a leap year shooting a sphere through a hoop, a lot of TV hours await me on my DVR platter. Now, you might be thinking,”Geoff, how can you spend so much time watching TV?” Life is supposed to be an adventure, to be spent zipping around the planet, not through TV commericals. I believe it was Marshall McLuhan’s cable installer who once said, “The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel.”

I had a wonderful childhood, with memories of weekends at the beach, summer sleep away camp and almost being breast fed. I remember as a child integrating with my parents while watching black and white TV classics like “The Honeymooners’ and ‘Sergeant Bilko.’ And then there were the educational shows like ‘The Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello and the Bowery Boys.’ Laughing at their hijinks was pure unconditional joy, and now thanks to God and You Tube, I can replay many of those classic moments anytime I want. What a great society we live in, as when we’re not watching TV, we can sit in front of a computer screen and spend hours and hours being entertained by one disease Bill Gates and his foundation will never be able to cure.

I know that not everyone loves or bows to TV. Woody Allen said, “In Beverly Hills, they don’t throw their garbage away, they make it into television shows.” To some, “Theatre is life. Cinema is art. Television is furniture.” Steve or Frank Lloyd Wright called TV “chewing gum for the eyes.” Erma Bombeck chimed in with “If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead, but should be resuscitated if the third game goes overtime.”

Okay, so the boob tube is not a great motivator for children, teenagers or family pets. I believe it was Oprah’s strength coach who said, “TV. If kids are entertained by two letters, imagine the fun they’ll have with twenty-six. Open your child’s imagination. Read a book.” Now I love to read, which I often to while watching TV. It’s like killing two birds with one Sharon Stone.

Comedian Jason Love speaks for me when he says, “I could have been a doctor, but there were too many good shows on TV.” Yet many folks remain bitter about what the tube is doing to the youth and storm chasers of today. Author Dan Spencer is one of them. “On cable TV they have a weather channel-24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I gew up. We called it a window.” Hey, sometimes I need to know the rainfall numbers in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Keeping you ahead of the storm, Sunrise Santa Cruz.

So here’s the soft truth about the cold hard facts. We all have to make sacrifices. Ahead of me is a road full of network and cable dramas, crime shows and the new Hawaii Five-O. Many talented people in Hollywood have spent a lot of time writing and producing these shows, and as a full-blooded American, I want to be part of the television solution, not the problem. So when the NBA season winds to a halt, I’ll sit down and give these shows the proper respect and my full attention, which my wife knows is rarely a simple proposition. For us, TV is like a stroll through the redwoods or a drive along the coast, as it brings us together and it gives us a chance to talk about people who don’t exist and the situations they get themselves into. It’s pure magic with no commercials.

But occasionally, like in all relationships, conflicts arise, but these are easily resolved. Or in the words of writer Donna Gephart, “Today, watching television often means fighting, violence and foul language-and that’s just deciding who holds the remote control.” Hey, all’s fair in love and cable.

Today’s photo adventure brings us back to the morning of January 25. This turned out to be a truly incredible date on my Selena Gomez calendar, as the twelve hours of daylight were spectacular in the skies above Monterey Bay. We’re talking about a gorgeous sunrise, followed by thunderhead clouds and topped off by a magnificent sunset that had photographers and shamans lining up like bowling pins along the coast.

I shot the first four photos from the field facing east at Lighthouse Point, capturing the sun as it rose over Steamers Lane. I then shifted my focus and aura to the west, as the fog was blowing in off a West Cliff Drive, and it made for a stunning contrast to what was happening in the eastern sky. All in all, it was a day of spectacular color and surprises that my camera and shadow will never forget.

On to some late night humor. “China announced it will no longer buy recycled trash from the U.S. I don’t have a joke here. I’d just like to give a round of applause to whatever genius has been selling trash to China. Earlier this week it was announced that Barbara Walters is stepping down. Footage just surfaced from 1962 of the young Barbara as an undercover Playboy Bunny. You can tell it was Barbara because she keeps asking men if they want their drink “on the wocks.” O.J. Simpson was in court this week trying to overturn his conviction on armed robbery and kidnapping. O.J. said, “I’m tired of everyone thinking of me as a robber and kidnapper and forgetting what a great murderer I am.”‘- Conan O’Brien

“O.J. Simpson is back in court today. He’s trying to get himself a new trial. He was tossed into prison for a long time for stealing his own sports memorabilia. Double homicide, nothing. Stealing sports memorabilia, 30 years to life. They’re predicting a trillion cicadas for the northeastern part of the United States. They haven’t been here in 17 years. When they got to New York City, they saw Yankee Stadium and the first thing they said was, “Wow, Mariano Rivera is still pitching!”‘ – David Letterman

“Eagles’ offensive lineman Evan Mathis posted a picture on Instagram that shows him relieving himself on an IRS building with a caption that says, “Audit this!” Or as the IRS said, “OK, see you tomorrow at noon.” Officials in Belize say that a construction company accidentally destroyed a set of Mayan ruins that were 2,000 years old. Or as the Mayans put it, “Eh, it’s not the end of the world.” Whole Foods is apologizing for switching the labels on some salads, which caused vegans to accidentally eat chicken. So if you’re a vegan who mistakenly ate one of the salads, that’s why it was so delicious. A new poll found that 54 percent of Americans are tired of Justin Bieber. It gets even worse when you hear that they polled only 54 percent of Americans.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama is not having a good week. With three scandals shaking the White House, they’re saying this is one of the worst weeks of Obama’s presidency. Obama was like, ‘How could things get worse?’ And Joe Biden was like, ‘You rang?’” –Jimmy Fallon “New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky…Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court.” –Bill Maher

So birthday wishes go out on Saturday to my beautiful television watching companion Allison, who knows what’s important in life and thus lets me hold the remote. And to my westside friend Marc Techner, who gets handsomer every time I see him.

We’ll catch you being one of the most underrated players in the NBA while leading your team to the Western Conference finals. Aloha, mahalo and later, Mike Conley fans.

Good morning and greetings, whale watchers. It was an exciting week along the edge of the continent, as the huge grays are making their annual migration up the coast. It’s a thrill to be walking along and seeing these giant, majestic creatures of the sea surface offshore. It serves as a reminder of how fortunate I am to have manifested my destiny to this cold water paradise, where the redwoods meet the sea of Golden State Warrior fans.

Yes, Stephen Curry and the Warriors have been the talk of the basketball world, and if you tune in your radio dial to 630 AM or 97.9 FM weekdays between 3 and 5pm, you just might catch me trying to speak as slowly as possible, so that more people than my mother can decipher what I’m going on about while dissecting the NBA playoffs.

So getting back to the somewhat frigid Pacific, the water temps here on the westside ranged last week from 51 to 53 degrees. To someone like myself, who at this stage of the game is as a delicate as a bouquet of Mother’s Day roses, that is a bit nippy. Thus, I live my life in Santa Cruz on the water, not in the water. That is, except when I do my weekend snorkeling and scuba diving at the hot tub overlooking the ocean where my parents reside.

There, I explore a world full of sharks, manta rays and exotically colored fish. Wait a minute, I’m confusing my weekend water therapy with a dream I had last night, when I went with Jacques Cousteau to Red Lobster for the endless shrimp special and unlimited Cheddar Bay biscuits. JC was in rare form, as he was downing those sweet and sour shrimps like they were M & M’s that melted in his mind, not in his hand.

After dinner and a game of darts, he looked me in the eye and summed up the reason for my life and this blog. “When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.” And thus, that is why I bare my soul to the the world and the foreign press each week. When the fish n’ chips of life are down, you must lift people up. It would be an act of cyber treason not to. At least that’s what my rabbi tweeted to me.

As my high school prom date once told me, there are many fish in the sea. At this moment, we are doing are best to overfish certain species. If you’re going to a restaurant and ordering endangered species like swordfish, sea bass or blue or yellow fin tuna, wake up and smell the mercury. But even with this harpooning of one of nature’s greatest resources, the fish will hopefully come back. But another key player in fulfilling our American diet is in bigger trouble.

In a story written by Seth Borenstein for the Associated Press, a new federal report blames a complex set of environmental stresses to have caused a dramatic decline among honeybee colonies. It’s a symptom called colony collapse disorder. This dramatic disappearance has baffled a select team of black bears and scientists. Factors include multiple viruses, a parasitic mite, Tom Arnold, bacteria, poor nutrition, not flossing regularly, genetics, habitat loss, last-second buzzer beaters and pesticides.

This is a very serious issues and our government is at odds as to where to point the finger. The parasitic, disease-carrying, tic- like bug, known as the varroa mite, can withstand the chemicals beekeepers use and has its own Facebook page. In Europe, they’re blaming the chemicals, as they began a two-year ban on three pesticides that have been linked with declining bee populations. The Obama administration, however, is reluctant to blame pesticides solely for the declining bee colonies, as they think it is a Republican problem.

Four out of five bee keepers who recommend sugarless pollen for their bees who chew gum say the multiple causes have made it harder to do something about their mysterious disappearance. The disorder has caused as much as one-third of the nation’s bees to just disappear each winter since 2006. Last year, the nation’s biggest bee keeper said he lost 42% of his bee colony, but that he made up for his losses at the track.

Honeybees are needed to pollinate crops, as they are crucial to the U.S. food supply. About $30 billion a year in agriculture depends on the health of these busy, buzzing little workers. Besides making honey, honeybees pollinate more than 90 flowering crops. Among them are apples, nuts, psycho cases, soybeans, avocados, chips, asparagus, citrus fruit, cranberries, beef and broccoli. About one-third of the human diet comes from insect-pollinated plants and the honeybee is responsible for 80 percent of that pollination. The rest comes from multi national food conglomerates, who focus on good health and proper nutrition while bringing us Twinkies, Slurpees, Whoppers, Super Sized Fries and Cheesy Kale Chips.

So here’s the bottom line. The nation may be on the brink of not having enough bees to pollinate its crops, and modern farming practices are leaving very little land for bees and other pollinators, but plenty of room for polluters. Myself, I have always been happy with bees, although my parents pushed me to try and get A’s. The final word on this subject belongs to my old pal, Billy Shakespeare, who came up with this gem when he summed up the situation. “To bees or not to bees, that is the question.” Then he threw in this reminder, “Listen to many, blog to a few.”

For today’s photo arcade, we are heading up the North Coast to lovely Four Mile Beach. The date was April 2, and I wanted to check out the wildflower action, which I knew,like my allergies, would be in full spring bloom. The vast amount of yellow, red, orange and purple wildflowers did not disappoint me, as their vibrant colors stood out on in contrast to the gray sky. The sea gulls were just an added bonus. When we can visit a remote beach like this just five minutes driving time from your home, something is right in the world.

On to some late night humor. “Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he’ll fit right in.” –Jay Leno “When asked if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Bill Clinton said, ‘She’s having a little fun being a private citizen.’ And then he added, ‘Not Bill Clinton fun, but fun nonetheless.” –Conan O’Brien

“Some experts are saying that the 2016 Democratic presidential race could come down to Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden. Biden is calling her a worthy opponent, while Hillary is calling him ‘practice.’ “The National Park Service is launching a new campaign to attract younger visitors. It has a very creative slogan: ‘National Parks: Nobody Knows You’re Drinking in Here.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, ‘If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.’” –Conan O’Brien “The NRA this week elected a new president, choosing Alabama lawyer Jim Porter who recently referred to Attorney General Eric Holder as ‘rabidly un-American’ and still calls the Civil War the ‘War of Northern Aggression.’ He’s known around the NRA as ‘Reasonable Jim.’” –Seth Meyers ” On Mother’s Day, Hooters is giving away free wings to all mothers who come in. Eating lunch with your mom at Hooters — I guess some guys never get tired of their moms saying, “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” -Jay Leno

So Happy Mother’s Day to all, as our lifetimes, the month of May and the NBA playoffs move on. We’ll catch you putting on an incredible first half shooting performance that had the nation buzzing about the Golden State Warriors’ backcourt. Aloha, mahalo and later, Klay Thompson fans.

Good morning and greetings, spring flowers fans. It’s the magical month of May, a spectacular time to be alive and smelling the roses on this marvelous planet of ours.

The weather on the central coast has been as impressive as Lindsay Lohan’s vow to turn around her life, and I, for one, am fully in her corner. I fell in love with her in “Mean Girls” and my admiration for her courage has grown from there. As Lindsay says, “Life is full of risks, why not take them?” Or you could simply pay for them first.

Last week, I found myself being asked the questions, “Can you believe it’s May?” and “What was it like being a supermodel?” Yes, the days on the calendar continue to hurry by like Kim Jong On’s wife trying to escape from under his demilitarized zone.

Last Wednesday was May Day, the first of May, and if the weather around the nation was any indication of what’s in store, then hold onto your barometers, thermometers and wind chimes. I never judge a book by its cover, except for Playboy’s party jokes, but this opening chapter of our fifth month was a doozy.

May Day is a celebration of the international workers movement. In Seattle, it’s celebrated annually by brave anarchists smashing windows of local businesses while dodging pepper spray. Yes, nothing helps keep the focus on the global economic crisis and the immigration reform movement than creating havoc and running wild in the streets with a bandana covering your face.

In Hawaii, May 1 is Lei Day, which always brings smiles to vacationing honeymooners. It celebrates the history and tradition of the lei, the fragrant floral necklaces that have become synonymous with the aloha spirit and vacation rentals on the Big Island. In the Hawaiian culture, giving or receiving a lei carries a special meaning, like here on the mainland, when you give that special someone cash on their birthday.

Let’s head back to the weather map. In Colorado and Wyoming, May started out with a blast of wet spring snow. I received a first hand report from my brother Brad in Boulder, who was snowboarding down his driveway so he could de-ice his mountain bike. But as they say in Colorado, ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes,” as one minute it will be blizzarding and then sunny the next day with blue skies and 70 degree temps, making that snow disappear faster than a box a donuts from Rush Limbaugh’s desk. For you Denver basketball fans, the only months that snow hasn’t fallen or people weren’t grumbling about the Nuggets being knocked out of the first round of the playoffs have been July and August.

The first day of May also brought buckets of heavy snow and fried chicken all across the midwest. For those of you who aren’t geography majors, Sioux Falls, which is the largest city in South Dakota, got its first May snowfall in 37 years. Kansas City experienced a May snow for the first time since 1907, which coincidentally is that last time the Chiefs had a shot at the Super Bowl. Schools in Wisconsin and Minnesota were closed as children frolicked and played and went ice fishing. I may be old-fashioned, but nothing says spring to me like mittens, boots and snowplows on the road. That sound you hear is the groundhogs chuckling.

Meanwhile, trouble loomed to the north in Fargo, North Dakota, which I didn’t even realize was part of the United States. For the last four out of five years, the Red River has flooded, swamping this city of 105,000 and ruining prom plans. It’s an annual event for high schoolers in this area to come together and bond over filling up sandbags, of which a million were filled this year in preparation for the rising waters. In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,” We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.” The good news is the river crested over six feet below record levels, which means the newly built sandbag dykes remained dry. The bad news is they’re still in North Dakota.

So while the snow was coming down harder than Oprah running wind sprints, a natural disaster was taking place in southern California. No, I don’t mean the announcement of Fox’s summer TV schedule, but wildfires, fueled by dry, gusty conditions, were burning out of control all over the Inland Empire. Conditions throughout the Golden State are drier than my mouth in the middle of the night when I wake up and hear the camels laughing, but that’s nothing that a little sleep apnea can’t take a care of. With high winds, high temperatures, high cholesterol, low humidity, dry brush and a wet comb, it adds up to a perfect storm for wildfires. It’s one thing to be stuck in traffic on the 101, it’s another when fire is burning in the diamond lane.

Since we had some April showers, I feel it’s my cyber duty to feature some magnificent May flowers. Today’s beauties are bearded irises, the fleur-de-lis symbol that for centuries has represented French royalty, which makes them the flower most likely to surrender. These ornamental masterpieces feature more colors blended together than you’d see in the stands at a day game at Yankee Stadium. Their name comes from the fuzzy hairs growing from the downward facing petals that are called beards, leading to the name of bearded iris, which is still no excuse not to shave.

So let’s end with a flower joke. Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, “Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.” The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, “What’s the big deal, don’t you like getting flowers?” The red head says, “Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.” The blonde says, “Don’t you have a vase?”

On to the late night. “An elementary school here in New York City has become the first school in the country to serve only vegetarian food. It’s serving only vegetarian foods, like tofu. Now when bullies say, ‘Give me your lunch money,’ students are like, ‘Here, take it.’ Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it’s serious. His bail was set at 200 goats. New reports say New York Governor Andrew Cuomo will not run for president in 2016 if Hillary Clinton does. In a statement, Hillary said that she appreciates the decision and the support. Then she added, “Because I would crush him.” – Jimmy Fallon

Washington Wizards center Jason Collins just came out of the closet, making him the first pro athlete in a major sport to be openly gay. He is getting credit for being the first openly gay pro athlete. Or as Martina Navratilova put it, “Hello!” – Jimmy Fallon “More news keeps coming out about Jason Collins, the NBA player who revealed he’s gay. It turns out he’s a free agent looking for someone to sign him. He’s got some interest from Chicago. Not the Bulls, the Broadway musical. There’s a trend now of prison inmates reviewing their prison on Yelp. The downside is that people are now committing crimes just to get the amazing fish tacos at Rikers Island.” –Conan O’Brien

“There’s now talk here in California of letting noncitizens serve on juries. The bad news: If you’re ever on trial for underpaying your nanny, you could get the death penalty.” –Jay Leno “It’s been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It’s like being married to a Kardashian.” –David Letterman “I don’t consider myself a baby boomer. To me, that means hippies. What do I have in common with a hippie? I never went to Woodstock. I never wore flowers in my hair. I never took huge amounts of LSD and then battled killer ducks who I swear were out to kill me. All right, I did the last one but I didn’t think it was groovy.” – Craig Ferguson

So welcome to May and the second round of the NBA playoffs. We’ll catch you showing fans what gems there are to be had in the second round of the NBA draft. Aloha, mahalo and later, Draymond Green and Chandler Parsons fans.

Good morning and greetings, landscape fans. You know, it’s not easy being a sunrise photographer. It requires a strong commitment and immense dedication, as one must be ready to go to work close to one third of the year. It’s an unusual situation when your work day comes to an end before most people have separated themselves from their dreams.

It was Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, known to his friends as Buddha, who said, “Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart and soul’s inspiration give yourself to it.” Wise words from the holy sage, who was also a hell of a first baseman.

So in living the sunrise life, four months of the year become sacred times, when there’s the possibility of the sky lighting up like a Hanukah menorah. The early Aztecs said, right before they were massacred by the Conquistadors, “if you do something you love, then it’s not work.” Furthermore, Irish poet Oscar Wilde once quoted between sips that “I put all my genius into my life: I put only my talent into my works.” After consulting with Confucious, I still have no idea where he was going with that.

I don’t consider taking pictures of a sunrise, sunset or a baby porcupine hard work. It’s a labor of love having the privilege to photograph God’s magnificence. That is, when he isn’t slamming the coast with that damn marine layer. To shoot a good sunrise takes some preplanning, a little bit of luck, and most importantly, a camera which a charged battery.

Donald Kendall, the former CEO of Pepsi Cola, once said to his neighbor that “The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” I can relate to those words, as there have been a few times in my life that I have decided to take the Pepsi Challenge. Later on, I regretted some of these actions. I would have been much better off sitting back and having a Coke and a smile.

So this being late April, I’ve been slowly weened from photographing the delightful action from above, as the spring skies have been duller than a Taliban group therapy session. I didn’t get into this business for the money, as much like Henny Youngman, “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” No, photographing sunrises and sunsets has been like the gift that keeps on giving. I’ve never thought of it as work. Which is good, because who wants to let something so pure be tainted by money? I’ve never got caught up in the commercialization, which is why I would never mention that my photos are available for sale right now on my website, www.SunriseSantaCruz.com, and would make lovely Mother’s Day gifts. That would be way too tacky.

No, I just do it for the pure joy and the artistic integrity. I’m not competing with anyone, although my Rabbi has stated on the record that I could be the most prolific sunrise photographer in the country. Well, I’m not saying I am, (yes, I am), but I would be honored to just be considered a candidate for the Jewish sunrise photographers Hall of Fame. And from what I hear, entry into this exclusive club involves receiving is a five pack box of Yehuda Passover matzos, rated #1 best tasting matzo by the San Francisco Chronicle, as tested by culinary experts and chefs in a blind tasting panel. If that’s the case, how did they find their way to the building?

So these days, I’m just photographing flowers and bunnies and filling future blogs will glorious moments from the past. They say you can’t put your arm around a memory, but when I go to my computer and look over sunrises and sunsets past, I reexperience the joy of the moment and it is glorious. And then I sob uncontrollably for a while, but I’m working on that.

I love what I do and don’t believe it will ever get old. And the best part is there no deadlines, just headlines. In the words of ventroloquist Edgar Bergen, “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” Charlie McCarthy couldn’t have said it better, although I was always more of a Knucklehead Smith fan.

So for today’s photo fare, we are heading back to the morning of February 16, 2013. I had slept the night before in a toaster, so I woke up and popped out of bed to a fantastic sunrise. I was all over the terrain that morning, as I shot images of this dawn beauty from more locations than Jamba Juices on the central coast.

The morning color in the sky over Monterey Bay and Steamers Lane was just spectacular. This was one of those classic Santa Cruz mornings were everything was right in the digital world. After that my day was off and running.

So this is my philosophy. “Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. I knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or gazelle…when this sun comes up, you better be running.” Or as big game hunter Groucho Marx once told Zeppo, “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”

On to some late night humor. “U.S. intelligence agencies have put together a psychological profile of Kim Jong Un. They say he’s a narcissist, and he is obsessed with Hollywood, obsessed with plastic surgery, and obsessed with the NBA. It’s a condition we know as ‘Kardashianism.’” –Jay Leno “You’re probably saying to yourselves, “What big American pointless cultural event is coming up in a couple of days?” The NFL Draft, of course. The New York Jets say they will take the best athlete possible in the draft. They’re going to take the best athlete available. It’s the same strategy the Kardashian sisters use.” – David Letterman

“You know what the worst job in America is? It’s newspaper reporter. I guess the pollsters forgot to ask the guy who cleans the toilets at Dodger Stadium how things are going for him. The Internet celebrated a major milestone yesterday. It’s the eighth anniversary of the very first video uploaded to YouTube. YouTube was founded in 2005 by a small group of visionaries who asked the question, “What if nobody in America ever got anything done ever again?” – Jimmy Kimmel.

So that’s our last blast for April 2013. The roses are exploding in my front yard so get ready for some May flower power. We’ll catch you scoring 34 points on Saturday while putting on one of the greatest fourth quarter playoff performances in NBA history. Aloha, mahalo and later, Nate Robinson fans.

Good morning and greetings, rock and roll fans. If you’re a baby boomer and music is your mistress, then you might have a memory of February 7, 1964, the day the Beatles arrived in New York to party with Ed Sullivan. I remember the excitement when they stepped off the Boeing 707 at Kennedy Airport before Pan Am lost their luggage. There was pandemonium on the tarmac, as people were sobbing, screaming and waving banners, and those were just the skycaps and taxi drivers. It had been a hard day’s flight for these lads, who had been working like dogs. The British Invasion had begun.

This was the start of a classic period, when British pop stars and rock and rollers came to the USA and blew the ears and minds of American youth. Many people were caught by surprise, as even Paul Revere didn’t know they were coming. We’re talking groups like The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Kinks, The Animals, The Yardbirds, The Dave Clark Five and Herman’s Hermits. Yes, Mrs. Brown certainly had a lovely daughter, as these groups would have an impact on the US music scene that has lasted longer than my membership to 24 Hour Fitness.

Now some thirty years after the twenty years ago today when Sgt. Pepper taught his band to play, there’s another invasion hitting the shores of America, but it doesn’t involve super groups or groupies. In a story written by Barbara Liston for Reuters, South Florida is fighting a growing infestation of one of the world’s most destructive invasive species. No, not the Justin Beiber music tour, but the giant African land snail, which can grow to be the size of a rat, and whose favorite hobbies are gnawing through stucco, plaster and retirement communities.

More than 1,000 of these marauding mollusks are being caught in speed traps each week in Miami-Dade County, while some have been spotted taking in Heat games at American Airlines Arena. Over 117,000 in total are now in custody facing deportation charges since the first snail was spotted by Ponce de Leon Jr. in September 2011.

And there are more on the way, as the snails will soon emerge from underground hibernation at the start of the state’s rainy season. Denise Feiber, a spokeswoman for the Florida Department of Agriculture, says the snails attack “over 500 known species of plants, pretty much anything that’s in their path and green.” That being said, I have a message for all cucumbers. Run!

According to Billy Ocean, in some Caribbean countries like Barbados, the snails’ shells blow out tires and hair on the highway and turn into hurling projectiles from lawnmower blades. At the same time, their slime and excrement coats pavements and walls, which is driving the local taggers crazy.

A typical snail can produce about 1,200 eggs, a pound of bacon and a side order of toast each year. These slow-moving creatures, like telemarketers, are a real pest for homeowners, as they have a fondness for stucco, which they devour for the calcium content they need for their shells. Researchers have found that snails pay very close attention to their intake of calcium so as to meet the daily nutrient requirements for healthy mollusks.

The snails also carry a parasitic rat lungworm that can cause a form of meningitis, which can really be a downer at parties. Fortunately, no such cases have yet been identified in the United States or Hawaii.

These are not the first exotic species to invade the Sunshine State. Numero uno would be the infestation of the giant Burmese pythons, which have took taken up home in the Everglades and are reproducing faster than the Octomom on her best day. Burmese pythons can grow to be 26 feet long and more than 200 pounds, and they have been known to swallow victims as large as alligators or a Rush Limbaugh. Constrictors snakes kill their prey by coiling around it and suffocating it, unlike Rush, who suffocates his victims with billowing hot air.

There is a long list of destructive non-native species that thrive in the state’s moist, subtropical climate, with many of them now starring in their own reality shows. Experts gathered last week to seek the best ways to eradicate the mollusks, including use of a stronger bait approved recently by the federal government and providing them with one way bus tickets to western states.

Investigators are trying to trace the snail infestation source. One possibility is a Miami Santeria group, a religion with West African and Caribbean roots, which was found in 2010 to be using the large snails in their rituals. This was the premise for an episode on “Miami Vice,” a show I watched religiously for fashion tips. But according to Ms. Feiber, many exotic species come into the United States unintentionally in freight or tourists’ baggage or colons.

“If you got a ham sandwich or an orange from Jamaica or the Dominican Republic, and you didn’t eat it all and bring it back into the States and then discard it, at some point, things can emerge from those products,” Feiber says. That’s why when I’m vacationing in the Caribbean, when I order I always ask for my mollusks on the side.

.
The last known Florida invasion of the giant mollusks occurred in 1966. A young boy, who was a big “Magnum, P.I.” fan, returned to Miami from a vacation in Hawaii and brought back three snails and and an “Eddie Would Go” t-shirt. His grandmother eventually released them into her garden, where the population grew in seven years to 17,000 snails. The state then spent $1 million and 10 years eradicating them. Hey, kid, next time, when you want to bring back a souvenir, I got two words for you-macadamia nuts.

Feiber says many people and an anesthesiologist in the Satellite Beach are unfamiliar with the danger when viewing the snails as cute pets. “They’re huge, they look like they’re communicating with you, and people enjoy them for that.” The bottom line is, when large snails like this are released into an environment where, unlike myself, they have no natural enemies, they will thrive and cause massive devastation.

It was Russian author Ivan Turgevev who once said, “Time sometimes flies like a bird, sometimes crawls like a snail, but man is happiest when he does not even notice whether it passes swiftly as slowly.” And that, my friends, is why I never wear I watch. And finally, I believe it was either Tom Selleck’s barber or the Dali Lama’s brother who came up with this nugget of wisdom.” The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it’s the weekend. Then the snail rides a F****** ferrari.”

I have partied with these giant snails on my trips to the Garden Isle of Kauai, and have posted an image of one in today’s photo fun pack. And we are heading back to the skies today, as I have over twenty sunrise and sunsets from the fall and winter sitting on the runway of my archives, waiting for clearance. This sunset was a beauty from the night of January 7 at Natural Bridges State Beach, when both the sky, sand and my heart and lungs glowed with beauty and joy. I always love photographing the remaining arch, because not only is this art, but it’s history. And erosion, like time, waits for no one.

On to a some late nght humor. “The Coachella Music Festival started today. It’s held every year in the California desert. A whole weekend of peace, love, and $10 bottles of water.” – Craig Ferguson “For those of you who aren’t familiar with Coachella, it’s a big music festival in the California desert. If you didn’t get tickets or if you’re too far away, just get high and pass out in a dumpster behind Trader Joe’s. Just like being there.” – Jimmy Kimmel “According to a new study, our views on immigration are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship, 40 percent of the respondents said, “Si.” – Jay Leno ”

“It was revealed today that someone sent President Obama a suspicious letter containing the poison ricin. It’s a deadly poison made from beans. They said it’s the third worst substance you can send in the mail behind anthrax and packing peanuts. A man in New York City is convicted of stealing more than $376,000 worth of copy machine toner from the law firm he worked for. They’re known for their work with big corporations and investment banks, and also for not ever having any toner in their copier.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A 14-year-old boy from China is the youngest golfer to ever compete in The Masters. During his round of golf today, the Chinese boy made two birdies, an eagle, and an iPad. DC Comics introduced its first-ever transgender character. The character is called “Wonder If It’s a Woman.” A new report claims that almost half of Justin Bieber’s 37 million Twitter followers are fake. Even more disturbing: The other half is real. Tom Cruise made his first public comments about his divorce from Katie Holmes. He said, “I didn’t see it coming.” Apparently Katie kept her divorce papers on top of the refrigerator.” – Conan O’Brien

So that’s a wrap. A birthday shout out goes today out to my Stanford cycling pal, Jim Buser, the creator of Duck and Cover, who was the first person to ask the world,”What if the hokey pokey isn’t what it’s all about?”

So as we try to wash away and the evil and madness around us, try to enjoy the first round of the NBA playoffs. We’ll catch you coming into your own after the all-star break and showing NBA observers who was the best shooter in the league this year. Aloha, mahalo and later, Stephen Curry fans.

Good morning and greetings, severe weather fans. As many of you and my hairdresser know, I’m fascinated by the diversity of weather throughout the United States. Last Wednesday was a perfect example of the weather map going wild and crazy, as the nation experienced the good, the bad and the ugly, which put me under a lot of barometric pressure. Or in the words of Clint Eastwood, “I tried being reasonable, but I didn’t like it.”

Now Clint Eastwood is a true American classic. And never more so as Inspector Harry Callahan in the movie “Dirty Harry.” As he said to a serial killer, in one of the classic movie lines of all time, “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”

Now there’s a man who had little regard for rules but always got results, which is not what we’re getting in the battle for gun control. The former mayor of Carmel also had a few words to say on this highly controversial issue. “I have a strict gun control policy. If there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it.”

Getting back to the good, bad and not very pretty from last week’s meteorological front, Wednesday was a doozy. In Santa Cruz, the day was as lovely as California Attorney General Kamala Harris, with warm breezes softly kissing my cheeks as the thermometer reaching 83 degrees. However, in the midwest, it was a different story, as blinding snow and driving winds left thousands without power. The governor of Missouri declared a state of emergency, even though the Cardinals shut out the Reds Wednesday night. As author Margaret Atwood once said, “In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” Or at the very least, not have to deal with a powerful spring storm spiraling in your back yard.

For those of you planning a trip to the midwest, let me give you a little Ohio Valley perspective. Here they were, ten weeks away from the summer solstice, in the middle of what is referred to as “Black Swan” extreme weather conditions, which is not to be confused with an Amanda Knox extradition. We’re talking ice, sleet, plagues, flooding, locusts, hail and heavy snow, creating treacherous driving conditions. They only time I want to notified about a severe ice warning is when it’s in my drink. Throw in a few killer tornadoes into the picture and they’re at a spring breaking point.

But the early days of last week were some kind of wonderful here on the central coast, as the birds were singing, the butterflies were floating and the bees were humming. And that leads us into today’s topic du jour.

According to wiki.answers.com, where I usually shop for pants, there are about one million species of insects in the world, half of which have somehow taken up residence in my house. Scientists and census takers estimate that there are 200 million insects for every human in the world, while less than one hundred supermodels have graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. So it stands to reason if we’re talking insects, we’re talking billions and billions and billions and billions. And billions.

Well, if you like to hear insects screaming, and you know I do, the place to be in the next few weeks is the east coast. In a story written by Daniel Stone for National Geographic News, cicadas, the cousins of katydids, katydidn’ts and crickets, are preparing to overrun the landscape from North Carolina to Connecticut after living underground like Weathermen fugitives for the last 17 years.

Much like the female black widow spider, who sometimes washes down the male with a glass of milk after mating, the are some quirks that go along with cicadas and breeding. They spend their lives, like a Chilean miner, in complete darkness underground, sucking the fluid out of the roots of trees, shrubs and unmanned jacuzzis. They don’t bite or sting, and help the earth by moving around nutrients, recycling, planting trees and buying local. The periodic cicadas will not come popping out of their burrows until the ground is 64 degrees or the NBA playoffs begin.

At the end of their lives, they emerge to shed their exoskeletons, mate, watch a little TV and die almost instantly. This completes a lifecycle that humans and the Neilson family have studied for centuries. We’re talking about a four to six week period, or the time it takes for a Haagen-Daz bar to leave my bloodstream. That is, if they can avoid predators like birds, raccoons, foxes, skunks and reality show producers. The next generation will emerge in 2030 to repeat the cycle, probably around the same time “Mad Men” returns for its seventh season.

Now we’re talking several million cicadas per acre, which will bring the noise level up to slightly above a Dixie Chicks concert. The noise is the mating call of the male, which is similar in tone to the begging sound of the American male. To make themselves look appealing to the females, male cicadas resort to popping a set of muscles on their abdomen in and out, which can also be seen poolside at spring break locations around the country. But here’s the kicker. These 17 year cicadas are affected by the massosporan fungus, an infection that is the equivalent of Cicada STD. It is spread through mating and causes the abdomen of adult cicadas to fall off! And you thought herpes was annoying.

I was back there when they emerged one spring in the Garden State of New Jersey. The year was 1962, and I was nine years old and studying for my driver’s license. All of a sudden, they were everywhere, like tourists from New York trying to find their way to Palisades Amusement Park. I remember my friends and I collecting them in paper grocery bags. I will not say what we did with them, because the statue of limitations concerning the laws of insect genocide may still be in effect.

For today’s photo engagement, we are heading back to wacky weather Wednesday. This was to be the first April sunset I had photographed in years. After checking out the dinner time sky, the clouds and my basal body temperature, I grabbed my Serena Williams windbreaker and quickly headed up the north coast to Davenport.

When I arrived at my usual spot on the cliffs, I noticed new signs had been posted on the Monterey Cypress trees, stating that trespassers would either be prosecuted or persecuted. Well, God knows my people have been persecuted enough, so I took at quick shot of the cliffs and then bolted out of their faster than Carlos Quentin leaving Dodger Stadium Thursday night.

The wind was blowing harder than my son’s Abnormal Psychology final at UC Santa Barbara as I approached the bluff overlooking the Pacific. Then the sun, clouds and light proceeded to do their thing, creating beauty and awe on a night when little was expected. I believe it was Oprah’s pilates coach who once said, “Surprises are beautiful because they come without waiting.” And as they say in the restaurant business, good things come to those who are waiters.”

On to the late night. “After withdrawing from public life Anthony Weiner is ready to stick it back in. Folks, that takes balls. Sadly, we know he has them. Weiner’s brother pointed out, ‘No one has been harder on him than he has been on him than he has been on himself.’ And we all know how hard he can be on himself.” –Stephen Colbert “Former Congressman Anthony Weiner said that he’s considering running for mayor of New York City. If nothing else I’m sure that he’ll provide some stiff competition. Come on, he’s the total package. I don’t want to be too hard on him. I don’t have a bone to pick with that guy.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Little is known about North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un other than the fact that he is ruthless, he supports torture, and he is a huge basketball fan. I’m sorry, that’s not Kim Jong Un. That’s Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice. I had them confused.” –Jay Leno “In high school Kim Jong Un starred in a production of the musical ‘Grease.’ That’s also where Kim met his first wife, Olivia Newton Jong.” –Conan O’Brien “Dealing with the North Koreans is very difficult. They have a history of making irrational decisions to divert the world’s attention from the fact their system has totally collapsed. No wait, sorry. I was thinking of NBC.” –Craig Ferguson

“This week on the ‘Today’ show, Chelsea Clinton said she’s open to running for political office one day. When she heard that, Sasha Obama was like, ‘Cool. How does secretary of state sound?’” –Jimmy Fallon “It was this day in 1967 that Russia sold Alaska to the United States for 2 cents an acre. You know why they sold us so cheaply? Just to get rid of the Palins.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is in trouble for saying that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is good looking. When asked for comment, Bill Clinton said, ‘That guy is out of control.’” –Conan O’Brien “Because Obama said California Attorney General Kamala Harris was attractive, people are calling his remark sexist. Now the President is overcompensating and trying to balance it out. Today he said Attorney General Eric Holder has a great ass.” –Jay Leno “During a fundraiser, President Obama raised some eyebrows when he called California’s Kamala Harris, quote, ‘the best-looking attorney general in the country.’ Of course he said it was just a joke. Then Michelle was like, ‘Well, here’s another one: What’s black and white and sleeps on the couch?’” –Jimmy Fallon

So enjoy the last few days of the NBA regular season and nows it’s on to the playoffs. And here’s a shout out to my father, Daniel Gilbert, who celebrated his 96th birthday last Friday with a haircut, a Chinese feast and disbelief. As we chanted at dinner, ‘Four more years, four more years.”

We’ll catch you trying to will your team into the playoffs before suffering a devastating injury that left Laker and all NBA fans reeling. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kobe Bryant fans