December 18, 2011

Let’s Not Get Personal

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — geoff @ 10:41 am

Good morning and greetings, late fall fans. Well, I’m happy that the $800 billion war is over and our troops are out of Iraq. Reports are that this sovereign nation is now a more dangerous place than it was ten years ago, and that Iran is their newest best friend. All I can say is that I’m feeling a lot of shock but little awe. I’m just glad that this whole situation was never about the oil and vinegar.

So in last week’s ramblings, I looked at my life while pondering the province of growing older. Mark Twain once said that “age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Or was it “You know you’re getting older when you can live without sex but not without your glasses?” During my milk and cookies and research on this subject, I came across some interesting items that I wanted to share with my ever expanding waistline and cyber audience.

As many of you know, I live by the motto “you’re not getting older, you’re getting bitter, er better,” so I’m always looking at the bright side. For me, the glass is always more than half-filled with laughter, joy and total positivity. That is, after I finish pouring out the vindictiveness, judgementalness and negativity. Once those are gone, it’s smooth sailing on the open seas of life. And if you believe that, I got some intel about weapons of mass destruction that you might be interested in.

Doctors from the Hold the Mayo Clinic say that to enjoy getting older, we need to focus on positive emotions, not the negative ones. The bad should never outweigh the good and only the good die young. As the poster boy for the glass half-filled council, I find it very easy to go to the negative. It is a warm and familiar place that I never need directions to find, like the Safeway on Mission Street However, as I grow older, I realize this is a location I need not be, like downtown Fallujah. And as comfortable as the confines of this place is, it helps no one, particularly those closest to me, including my valet and tailor.

So, like the brave little soldier I am, I’m attempting to leave this negativity behind and close the door on this fun zone that I so easily journey to. I’m hopeful that this positive outlook is here to stay for a while. I can’t say for how long, but I’m shooting for at least through next week’s post.

So let’s get back to the fun topic of getting older. 13% of the U.S. population is over the age of 65. By the year 2020, the number is expected to double to 25% of the population. And “In the year 2525, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they may find that in 10,000 years, man will have cried a billion tears.”

Jumping ahead, by the time a person turns eighty, the kidneys work only half as well as they did at age forty. No wonder plumbers are so expensive. And as I get older, I really enjoy being woken up in the middle of the night when my kidneys want to play.

But what I really love is getting back into bed and finding that my mind is racing like Secretariat hitting the back stretch. As a child, I didn’t know the middle of the night existed Now, it’s just an unwanted companion, keeping me from my much-needed dream research and beauty sleep.

Not to sound depressing, but approximately three hundred million cells die in the human body every minute. It’s like New Jack City in the bloodstream.

Fortunately, it’s really just a small fraction of the cells that are in the human body. According to census takers, the total number of cells in the human body come in at about 10 to 50 trillion. If you don’t believe me, count them for yourself. But there’s no reason to worry, as the adult body produces 300 billion new cells every day, or the same amount that California is building each year to house their exploding prison population.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. This isn’t because of genetics, but because it’s a righty world of machines, making it dangerous for accident-prone lefties. So if you know any lefties, be extra nice to them around the holidays and keep them away from any power tools.

And finally, scientists claim that the colder the the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you’ll have a bad dream. They aren’t sure why this happens, but it does explain why I’m constantly dreaming about not being able to find my jacket.

Today’s photo fun park brings us back to a sunrise on West Cliff Drive on the morning of November 27. I took the first two shots to capture the color and pagentry of the clouds reflecting on Its Beach, before I had a Woodstock moment and realized that Ansel Adams would probably be shooting from across the street in Lighthouse Field. Thus photos three and four.

I then hurried back across the street to Bird Rock to see the sun making its first appearance of the day over the mountains of Monterey. And believe it or not, I have not shot a sunrise or sunset since this morning, as the clouds have been as few and far between as intelligent dialogue coming out of the Republican presidential debates.

On to the late night. “Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn’t win, that’s going to be one heck of an election night party. Men are now going to their barber and asking for a Mitt. Then they go to the girl on the corner and ask for a Herman Cain. “Rick Perry said there were eight supreme court justices instead of nine. But, in his defense, he did know there were only three judges on ‘Dancing With the Stars.’” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney says if he is president he will create 11 million new jobs. Sure, they’ll all be in China, but a job is a job, ladies and
gentlemen. Michele Bachmann is picking running mates. That’s like the Colts picking out Super Bowl rings.” –David Letterman “I’m not sure Rick Perry got it. Like when they asked him what he’d do about the West Bank, he said he’d bring back free checking.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney tried to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry during a presidential debate. Well, who says the Republicans are rich snobs out of touch with the common man? “Many voters feel that Mitt Romney is out of touch with real Americans after he tried to make a bet with Rick Perry for $10,000. When asked to comment, Mitt said, ‘I’m sorry, but that’s all I had in my pocket at the time.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois, stood under some mistletoe earlier today and kissed 14 years goodbye Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.” –David Letterman “The White House held its annual Hanukkah celebration. It was a traditional Jewish ceremony, except for the part where it was hosted by a black man from Hawaii.” –Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, someone threw a pair of shoes at Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Iran has captured the shoes and is studying their technology.” –Conan O’Brien “Iran is now in possession of an American drone. When I heard that I thought, ‘Oh, my god, they captured Joe Biden?’ “An Alabama anti-gay politician has been leading a secret life as a sperm donor for lesbian couples. This is a classic case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing.” –Jay Leno

So that’s our pre-Hanukkah report. If you’re a fan of potato latkes, break out the dreidels and get ready to spin the apple sauce and sour cream.

So enjoy the shortest day of the year on Wednesday and the blockbuster start of the NBA season next Sunday, which just happens to be Christmas day. It’s just like the angels planned it. We’ll catch you in early winter. Aloha, mahalo and later, Robert Griffin III fans.

2 Comments »

  1. Wow – I don’t know what’s more stunning – pictures 3 and 4 or your decision to move over to the glass half full side. Does this still hold true even after yesterday’s Giant game?

    Comment by Chris Paul — December 19, 2011 @ 8:00 am

  2. Still getting over the shock of losing Lil Kim.

    Comment by Norm Crosby — December 19, 2011 @ 3:00 pm

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