“McDonald’s is introducing a Big Mac clothing line. Of course there already is a clothing line for Big Mac lovers. It’s called a hospital gown. According to a new study, human waste contains gold and other special minerals. In the future this could make things awkward when a cashier asks, “How would you like to pay for this?” -Conan O’Brien
March 29, 2015
March 22, 2015
Good morning and greetings, springtime fans. After a week of game-winning, buzzer-beating March Madness, there are now the Sweet 16 teams alive in their quest for the magical,mystical national college championship.
Well, let’s just say 15 contenders and the University of Kentucky. The Kareem always rises to the top.
But in the midst of all this hoop hysteria, there is something else brewing that puts even the biggest gamblers on edge. Yes, boys and girls, it’s that time of year to let the feds in on if you’ve been naughty or nice. So open up those W-2′s and 1099′s and let the sunshine in. It’s tax season.
Did you ever notice that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells “THEIRS?”
Filling out the tax form and taking the proper deductions can be a tricky proposition. I leave it up to my trustworthy accountant to do my bidding for me. Let’s just say he knows what’s in and what’s out, where to slice and dice. This year he’s counting my weight loss as a non-capital gain.
So let me end with a little ditty by poet Ogden Nash that sums up my feelings. “Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes. The wind will presently disappear, but the taxes last us all the year.”
For our non-taxable photos series, we are heading down to Lighthouse Point along West Cliff Drive on the morning of January 4. The sky lit up early with vivid red and orange colors, and cast a beautiful reflection down on the sand at Its Beach. It was my first sunrise of 2015, and it was magnificent, as the sky was a nicely painted canvas of colors. Then the sun rose over the bay and my work for the day was done.
On to some late night humor. “In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he’s quote, “the worst president of my lifetime, without question.” Then Cheney said, “But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off? During his weekly address to the nation, President Obama discussed higher education and said, “The most important skill you can sell is your knowledge.” Or as English majors working at Starbucks put it, “No it’s not.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama’s mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii’s governor said, “Great, who’s going to want to come to Hawaii now?”” – Conan O’Brien
“A new study has shown that women who get more sleep have better sex. Unfortunately, the study was conducted by Bill Cosby.Officials in Indiana have discovered a working meth lab inside a Walmart. They became suspicious when they noticed a Walmart employee making a decent living.” -Conan O’Brien
“Yesterday was the L.A. Marathon. It’s the only time of year you see someone running in the streets of Los Angeles when it’s not the end of a car chase. Some people are still angry about the letter written by Republicans to Iran. It’s also not helping that they said, “Dear Iran or Iraq, we can never keep you two straight.” – Conan O’Brien “A grandmother in South Africa celebrated her 100th birthday on Saturday by going skydiving. It’s pretty impressive — most people turning 100 usually go the other direction in the sky. – Jimmy Fallon
So we’ll catch you making your father’s day by hitting the game-winning shot for your Georgia State squad that upset Baylor in the first round of the NCAA’s. Aloha, mahalo and later, R. J. Hunter fans.
March 15, 2015
Good morning and greetings, college hoop’s fans. There is excitement in the air throughout the college basketball nation, as the NCAA tournament is once again upon us. College basketball fans and gamblers waited all year for a chance to see their teams go to the big dance and come away with a winning lottery ticket.
It’s three weeks of wall-to-wall excitement, end-to-end action and fantastic finishes, as 68 teams will vie for the chance to cut down the nets and walk away with the title of NCAA champion. Who will be this year’s Cinderella team? Who will be the last team standing for that one shining moment? And who will catch me when I fall?
Unfortunately, for some, the fun has been taken away, as this year March Madness has been tainted with some March Sadness. It seems this year’s champion has already been preordained, and that would be the University of Kentucky Wildcats.
Now I’m not saying the fix is in, but this year’s powerhouse squad blitzed through their opponents during the regular season, leaving them undefeated, with a perfect 34-0 record. This team is as loaded as Charlie Sheen on a Friday night.
Now this has happened because Coach John Calipari has recruited enough McDonald’s All-Americans to stock the running of the Kentucky Derby. You’ve got first year diaper dandys sitting on the bench, patiently awaiting their time until they’re drafted into the NBA. There’s a gross surplus of more than moonshine in the blue grass state.
We’re talking basketball royalty, as the Wildcat’s basketball team is the winningest program in NCAA Division I history. They lead all schools in NCAA tournament appearances, as they rank first in wins, are second to the UCLA Bruins in championships and third in their cheerleaders GPA scores.
Now Kentucky was once coached by the Baron of Lexington, Adolph Rupp, a college basketball legend who was as winning a coach as he was a possibly a racist.
One of the biggest games during Rupp’s career was the 1966 NCAA championship game. It featured Kentucky’s all-white starting five playing against an all-black starting five from Texas Western University. Texas Western came out on top in a dandy of a contest, and it helped lead to the integration of black athletes into college basketball during the days of the civil rights movement.
This is not to take away from the hoopla and hysteria surrounding this year’s tournament. It’s possible that the number one overall seed Kentucky will be knocked off their perch, but I believe the boys in Las Vegas already know who will be left standing at the alter when the final buzzer goes off.
After all, basketball is not a complicated game. In the words of former Texas coach Abe Lemons, “There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket.”
Now it’s kind of a shame because in my younger days, I had a lot more interest in college hoops. That was because when players were recruited to colleges, they stayed for four years. You could follow them throughout their collegiate days and seem them matriculate into future NBA players. NCAA basketball was a farm system for the NBA.
But then back in 1975, two high school players named Darryl Dawkins and Bill Willoughby went directly from high school to the NBA, and all bets were off. Their thinking was, if I’m ready to play with the big boys, why do I have to go to college? They wanted to be paid.
For some, like Emmy winning award sportscaster Dan Patrick, the college regular season is now unwatchable. For me, I’m totally tuned into the NBA and don’t have time for the college game. You see very few talented seniors on the floor, because the NCAA has a one and done rule, as in you must attend college for one year before your eligible to be drafted into the NBA.
This is really a joke, because one season does not make a college career. Of course, a few of the highly touted high school players are ready for the big show, but the rest should stick around for a while and learn the fundamentals of the game before going to the big top. Perhaps get an education. But the lure of money is a big pull.
Now March Madness is not just for the maniacs. Anyone can check out the brackets and pick the winners down to the Final Four, and if there’s money involved, it’s even better. It’s all about picking the winners and predicting the upsets.
Personally, I’m picking Syracuse Orangemen to come out on top. They’re not eligible for the tournament due to numerous recruiting violations, but they’re still my emotional favorite.
I spoke last Thursday with senior college basketball analyst Dr. Michael Schur, who for some unknown reason (Florida International University booster), was left off of this year’s selection committee. Here are his thoughts on the Final Four.
‘I’m only selecting three teams because everybody’s picking Kentucky. So here’s my Final Three. The Duke Blue Devils, the Wisconsin Badgers and Notre Dame. I like the Irish and their defensive intensity. They’ve got three point shooters and are able to score from the inside and outside. And I always loved the movie ‘Rudy.’”
So the question remains, who will take down these mighty Wildcats? Stay tuned.
For today’s photo selection committee, we are featuring some March magic. The year was 2008 and I was shooting from Stockton Avenue along West Cliff Drive. There were lots of clouds during the day, and the sunset didn’t look promising, but much to my surprise, an opening appeared on the horizon late in the day and the sky just blew up.
It was a spectacular March night, one that I won’t soon forget because of the peculiar shaped clouds coming down from the heavens that I have conveniently forgotten the name of.
On to some late night humor. “Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I’ll just keep riding the subway. The new Apple Watch is out. It gets email. You can send texts. It has a corkscrew, nail clipper, tooth pick, scissors, tweezers, a compass, and if you put it on the floor and stand on it and it will tell you how much you weigh.” -David Letterman
“Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement. Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad’s a little different. You’re blindfolded but no cigarette.” – David Letterman
“President Obama’s trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran a letter about the nuclear deal. They said if this doesn’t work, by God, they’re going to send Seth Rogen and James Franco. The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.” – David Letterman
“This is a very big week for us here. Tomorrow night on our show we get a visit from President Obama, which means that all of you here tonight just missed having to get a cavity search to get in here tonight. There’s a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. They become more narcissistic. Narcissism is a condition of excessive self-interest that affects approximately one out of every one Kardashian.” – Jimmy Kimmel
So we’ll catch you wowing the NBA nation by scoring a NBA season high and career-high 57 points against the Spurs last week. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kyrie Irving fans.
March 8, 2015
Now I’ve been merrily addicted to this wonderful, sugary brown concoction since early childhood. I can recall skipping with delight into my local candy store, and gazing upon such delights as M & M’s, Hershey Bars, Nestle Crunch, Chunkies and Raisinets, just to name a few. And these weren’t the mini, bite size versions, these were the real deal. It was pure almond joy.
So as I got older and matured into a responsible adult, I realized that a chocolate bar a day does not keep the doctor away, so I’ve had to cut back on my intake. New age doctors say that if you’re going to be ingesting chocolate, it’s healthier to go to the dark side. Who knew?
Now I will admit there are lots of good dark chocolate bars out there, but you really don’t get that sugar rush that you do with milk chocolate, and isn’t that the point? Then again, researchers from the Plain or Peanut Institute suggest that dark chocolate boosts memory, attention span, reaction time and problem-solving skills by increasing blood flow to the brain. And it’s a great after school snack.
Now I bring up this delicious subject because of an interesting item I found on Yahoo Health News. In a recent study by the US Food and Drug Administration, they found that 59 percent of dark chocolate products in the U.S. contain trace amounts of milk. According to my abacus, that’s close to two out of three bars recommended by four out of five dentists.
So your favorite dark chocolate bar contains a little milk, what’s the big deal?
Well, according to FDA researchers who aren’t on the take,, “Even one small bite of a product containing milk can cause a dangerous reaction in some individuals.” That explains George Bush.
Now dark chocolate has been the savior for folks who want to experience the sensual flavors and effects of chocolate without bringing the cow along with it.
According to U.S. laws, and thank God there is a law, food products are required to put their ingredients on the label. Sugar is my favorite, with high fructose corn syrup a close second and hydrogenated soybean oil taking the bronze.
Now this white liquid produced by cows is one of the top food allergies in the country, although as a kid, I thought cookies and milk were as beneficial as penicillin.
The contamination probably took place when they cross pollinated the milk and dark chocolate, as the equipment was probably shared in the making of the bars. Personally, I blame it on the white chocolate.
The results were that two out of seventeen of these products labeled “dairy-free” or “allergen-free”were found to contain milk. Fifty-five of the ninety-three dark chocolate bars without any clear indication of the presence of milk also were found to contain Boosie’s fluid. And six out of the eleven chocolate products labeled “traces of milk” contained milk at levels high enough to cause a reaction similar to the explosion on Mount St. Helens.
And now the news gets even better. The consumer health watchdog group, As You Sow, who is all about protecting the people and the planet, filed notices of legal action last Wednesday against Hershey’s, (say it ain’t so,) See’s Candies, and Mars, alleging violation of California’s Safe Drinking Water and Toxic Enforcement Act for failure to warn consumers of the toxic chemical cadmium in the companies’ chocolate products.
Holy 3 Muskateers bar, Batman.
It seems our youth are especially susceptible to cadmium, as it has been linked to kidney, liver, and bone damage. But don’t worry kids, your pancreas and spleen are still safe.
As You Sow, and as we shall reap, had previously initiated legal action against an additional thirteen chocolate manufacturers, including Godiva, Ghirardelli, Lindt, Kroger, Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, (no, not Trader Joes!), for failure to warn of lead and cadmium in their chocolate products.
Not to worry parents out there, but lead exposure has been a significant public health issue for decades and is associated with neurological impairment, such as learning disabilities and lower IQ at specific levels. This explains Texas Governor Rick Perry.
According to Eleanne van Vliet, As You Sow’s toxic chemical research director, “Consumers need to know that chocolate may contain heavy metals. Since lead and cadmium accumulate in the body over time, even small amounts should be avoided.”
When asked for a comment, the group AC/DC said they were too busy, as they were on the highway to hell.
Well, it’s your choice folks, but when dealing with small children partaking in these products, I zinc it may be time to take a closer look at it. Do your due diligence. You know, the children are our future.
So for today’s photo snack, we are returning to the edge of the continent on the morning of December 14. The place was Its Beach and Lighthouse Point, and when I arrived at this glorious location, the sky was full of color. Then the sun rose over the mountains across the bay and vivid colors were added to the canvas. Simply delightful.
On to some late night humor. “Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, “I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had. It was reported today that Edward Snowden may return to the United States. He is going to carpool with Julian Assange and Roman Polanski.” – Conan O’Brien
“Two California teachers charged with having sex with students and giving them cocaine. On the plus side, the students involved had perfect attendance. Yesterday Justin Bieber turned 21 years old. Justin started celebrating on Saturday — five years ago.” – Conan O’Brien ” Happy birthday to Justin Bieber. Yesterday he turned 21, which means he can be tried as an adult.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. Pediatricians say giving caffeine to toddlers can cause depression, diabetes, sleep disturbance, and obesity. On the plus side they get a lot more finger painting done.” – Jimmy Kimmel “President Obama said he wants the United States to establish an embassy in Cuba by April. When asked if Cuba would establish an embassy here, Obama said, “What do you call Miami?” – Jimmy Fallon
So we’ll catch you having a great season with Portland, but unfortunately, you tore your left achilles tendon last week. But you’ll come back strong. Aloha, mahalo and later, Wes Matthews fans.
March 1, 2015
Stardom is a strange journey, or in Jennifer’s words, “When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.”
But as comedian Bill Hicks once pointed out, “Why is marijuana against the law. It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit unnatural?
Getting more to the point, President Obama chimed in, “When I was a kid, I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” Well said, Mr President.
Which is a far cry from President Bill Clinton, who claims, “When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it, and I didn’t inhale, and I never tried again.” But it seems like Bill found another way to get his ya-yas out.
Well, the folks in Alaska will figure it out. In the words of President Thomas Jefferson, “Hemp is of first necessity to the wealth & protection of the country.” Who knew?
Now back in our nation’s capital, they also voted in November to legalize pot, but Congress wasn’t so crazy about bongs and water pipes in the West Wing. But congressional attempts failed to stop the rush of the green wave, as last Thursday, Washington DC became the first place east of the Mississippi River with legal recreational marijuana. The people have spoken. Long live the queen.
District of Columbia Mayor Muriel Bowser, who was threatened with jail time, proclaimed that it will be legal for people 21 or older to possess up two ounces of pot and grow up to three mature plants at home for personal use. But once again, it can’t be sold legally, and the District will neither tax nor regulate the drug, steps that were explicitly banned by Congress and endorsed by Snoop Dog and his posse.
Well, it seems there will be green in the halls of Chronic, er Congress. So for the last word on all this spreading recreational, preventive glaucoma usage, I turn to comedian Steve Martin.
“I used to smoke marijuhgana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-mid-afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . …But never at dusk.”
Unfortunately, these day, the cliffs are off limits to photographers and prospectors, as No Trespassing signs dominate the landscape. But at least I have my memories.
“Waffle House is partnering with a mail delivery service app so customers can pick up their packages at the restaurant. So if you’re someone who is interested in getting packages delivered to a nearby Waffle House, congrats on being the sketchiest person on earth. A new study found that smoking weed is 114 times less harmful for people than drinking alcohol. And if you want to learn more, you can ask people waiting for their deliveries at Waffle House.” – Jimmy Fallon
Alex Rodriguez will be back with the New York Yankees after being suspended for a season. He wrote the fans of the Yankees an apology. We’re still waiting on one from the Knicks. The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It’s voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.” – David Letterman
“Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert McDonald got in some hot water this week for saying that he served in the military’s Special Forces when he never did. It gets even worse when you find out the place he actually served was Old Navy. – Jimmy Fallon “The Kardashian family has signed a deal keeping them on the air for four more years and paying them $100 million. So let that be a lesson. If you really work hard and apply yourself, you are wasting your time.” – Seth Meyers
So belated birthday wishes go out to my old Syracuse pal, Amy Zimmerman, who I once spent a lifetime with one night in Cortland, New York. A University of Penn graduate, she is currently freezing, er residing in Westchester County, New York, but in her dreams, she’s in a much more tropical setting.
And here’s a birthday shout out to my old NBA basketball radio correspondent, Robert “Bob O” Hall, who at this stage of the game, still has a good assist to turnover ratio. Bob turns the big 63 on Wednesday, and being a much older man, has always been like a father figure to me.
February 22, 2015
So as our week began, the skies went temporarily gray. As we donned our sweatshirts, another winter blast of snow and ice swept into the midwest and into the south, burying some regions in more than a foot of snow while paralyzing transportation and cutting off power to a quarter of a million homes. The eastern third of the country was locked in a deep freeze.
And reporting in on the weather carnage coming out of Nashville is field scout Nancy Mager, who’s the director of Sponsored Programs at Western Kentucky University. As she reported, “It’s all ice and Syrian rebels. We had an inch of ice on the trees, roads and power lines. The schools have been closed all week.”
“The ice is beautiful and sparkling, but it’s dangerous as hell, as the roads haven’t been plowed or the sidewalks shoveled.” A New Jersey native, she added that with the wind chill factor at minus five degrees, “It’s never been this cold.”
I’ve also skated on thin ice and driven on icy roads and it’s a nightmare. You hit the brakes but you just start sliding, with no control over your vehicle.
I had the pleasure of being in an accident like this years ago back in New Jersey, when a car had stopped ahead of me, but when I hit the brakes, I just went into a slide and rammed him. And the ironic thing was, I was on my way to the gas station to put snow tires on the car, something we east coasters have the pleasure of doing.
“Starbucks has launched a home delivery service. It’s perfect for anyone too lazy to walk one block in any direction. Little Caesars has introduced a giant, deep-dish pizza with a crust wrapped in three feet of bacon. Two hours ago Pizza Hut surrendered. Here’s a new device that allows airline passengers to completely isolate themselves from their row mates. The device is called a baby.” – Conan O’Brien
“Gallup, the polling company, released its annual well-being index where they rank the health and happiness of residents of each of the 50 states. Alaska finished first and Hawaii was No. 2. It’s interesting that the top two happiest states are the ones that are farthest away from the rest of us.” – Jimmy Kimmel I spent the past four days in Cuba shooting a special episode of this show. I had an amazing experience in Cuba. People there are fantastic. But I do have to say it’s very nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Westminster Kennel Club’s dog show is going on in Madison Square Garden.I want to tell you something about that dog show. If I want to see rolling over and playing dead at Madison Square Garden, I’ll go to a Knicks game. At the NBA All-Star Game, the West beat the East 163-158, but the loss will be credited to the New York Knicks.” – David Letterman
So again, 60th birthday wishes go out to my brother Paul, who I celebrated the blessed occasion with on Friday along with his son, Josh and our old pal Doug Mackinnon, at the Oracle Arena, as the Warriors blew out the Spurs. I just wish the game was as good as our seats.
So we’ll catch you putting up big numbers and playing like the first pick in last year’s NBA draft. Aloha, mahalo and later, Andrew Wiggins fans.
February 15, 2015
If you like Super Bowl of snow, then Massachusetts is the place to be in February, as over six feet had fallen in 17 days. We’re talking about 77.3 inches of the white stuff coming down in a little over two weeks, making it the snowiest February in city history. It’s like the Mexican drug cartels had taken over the Weather Channel. It just keeps coming down.
Now on the local front, let’s take a look the conditions we had back in January, where our fair city of Santa Cruz recorded no rainfall for the first time since 1893. Holy smokes! According to local meteorologists and my urologist, this has never happened before. We were rolling on the winter front, with 43 straight days of peace, love, music and UV rays.
On to some late night humor. “Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams. There’s a rumor that NBC is going to have Tom Brokaw fill in temporarily as the NBC News anchor. When asked why, a network spokesperson said, “Because the only other NBC person we have is Bill Cosby.” – Conan O’Brien
“It’s been reported that Beyoncé wore $10 million worth of jewels to the Grammys. When asked why, Beyoncé said, “I didn’t want to bring the good stuff.” An old pair of shoes once owned by Justin Bieber has sold on eBay for $50,000. To be honest, they’re a little tight on me. A Saudi Arabian prince has said that oil may never again rise above $100 a barrel. He said it’s gotten so bad he can’t afford to buy his wife her own car that she’s not allowed to drive.” -Conan O’Brien
“Once again it’s Fashion Week here in New York City. The top models of the day are very, very skinny. I did the math on this — it takes about a dozen models to actually create a shadow. A woman in Manhattan went into a seafood restaurant, bit into a hunk of fish and got a fish hook in her mouth. I hate when you go into a restaurant and you’re the catch of the day.” -David Letterman
“Pot growers in the state of Washington have a problem. Supply there has outstripped demand and they have a lot more marijuana than they can sell. Washington has more pot than they can smoke, which might help to explain why Pete Carroll called for a passing play on the 1 yard line. The pot surplus is so bad in Washington right now that the governor is saying they may have to deploy Willie Nelson to the area.” -Jimmy Kimmel
So birthday wishes go out to my brother Paul, who turns the big 60 on Sunday. He says he’s not concerned about turning sixty, and by early June, he’ll actually be able to say the number out loud. Here’s joy to you, my brother.
So we’ll catch you tearing it up in the backcourt, but once again, not being named as a replacement on the all-star team. Aloha, mahalo and later, Monta Ellis fans.
February 8, 2015
Now this game again personified the excitement and greatness of sports. No one, not Alfred Hitchcock, the Farrelly Brothers or Mad Magazine could have scripted out the final few moments. Throughout all of America, people could be heard shouting, “Unbelievable, why, why, why, and where are my pants?” as the final seconds counted down.
Here’s the set up. With the Patriots leading 28-24, Seattle had the ball on New England’s one yard line. All QB Russell Wilson needed to do was hand the ball off to the human battering ram, running back Marshawn Lynch, to get the final yard and into the end zone for the game winning touchdown. Just one yard and the celebration is on.
Now on the other side, New England fans and bettors were set to commit hari kari. The Patriots had trailed 24-14 earlier in the game, before they mounted a fourth quarter comeback and scored two touchdowns against a Seattle defense that hadn’t allowed a fourth quarter touchdown in the last sixty years.
But at this moment, hopes were fading, as it looked like Paul Revere and the Patriots were going down to another late game defeat.
Now Seattle had quickly gotten down to the Patriots one yard line, as receiver Jermaine Kearse made a spectacular catch while laying on the field after juggling the ball, in a version of hot potato. It was reminiscent of the New York Giants David Tyree’s unbelievable “Helmet Catch” in Super Bowl 42, that ruined the Patriot’s undefeated season. You just don’t see mind blowing, miracle catches like this every day, no less when the Super Bowl title is on the line.
So Russell Wilson drops back into a shotgun set and fires a slant pass to his receiver on the goal line, only to have the ball intercepted by the Patriot’s Malcolm Butler. What! An interception! Somebody pinch me.
For the Seahawks and their fans, they will be forever left wondering, why didn’t they hand the ball off on their final offensive play of the season? Seattle Coach Pete Carroll, who took responsibility for the pass call, had this to say about the play and his team a few days later.
“Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, “You would too if your parents had named you ‘Jeb.’
Scientists have discovered that a 5,000-year-old mummy is covered with at least 60 tattoos. Scientists are calling him the earliest known member of the NBA.” – Conan O’Brien
February 1, 2015
Now there’s a recent study from the University of Illinois that suggests that the reason our youth of America are so fat is because they are consuming too much pepperoni and cheese, the main ingredients in this wonderful flat bread we call pizza.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?” “I did,” said the centipede. “Who stopped the rhino?” “Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede. “And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede. “So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach. “Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”
For today’s photo parade, we are going back to the evening of January 10. I was shooting from the cliffs along West Cliff Drive at Stockton Avenue, as the sky turned various shades of orange as the crowds looked on. But what delighted me was the view south, as beautiful pink clouds filled the sky and cast their reflection over Monterey Bay. Just a beautiful sight on a January night.
On to a little late night humor. “Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.” – Jimmy Fallon “The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they’ve haven’t seen a whiteout like this since last week’s Oscar nominations.” – Conan O’Brien”
January 25, 2015
And speaking of luck, to get to the Super Bowl, the Patriots crushed quarterback Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship game by a 44-7 score. It was a total beatdown, as once again, the highway to the Super Bowl runs through the New England thruway.
New England Coach Bill Belichick, known in some circles as “The Hoodie” for his wearing of sweatshirts along the sidelines, says he was shocked to learn about the story and has never talked to anyone on his staff about football air pressure, the function of atmospheric conditions or his recipe for linguini with red clam sauce.
The Patriots say they will continue to cooperate with the investigation. But this where the story gets interesting.
Back in 2007, the NFL determined that New England had violated league rules when a Patriots staff member videotaped signals by opposing coaches. This undercover operation became known as Spygate. The team was fined and stripped of their 2008 first-round draft pick. The NFL then fined Belicheat, er Belichick, the maximum allowed $500,000 for this black ops affair, the largest fine ever imposed on a coach in the league’s 87 year history.
A report described the league office as “disappointed, giddy, angry, euphoric and distraught,” after learning of the ball alterations. The Patriots could lose future draft picks, a couple of cheerleaders or one of Belichick’s favorite hoodies if the league confirms the balls were deflated.
Hey, if you don’t get caught, it’s not cheating. And if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.
Now for the Seattle Seahawks, the road to the Super Bowl was a bit tricker, as they found themselves trailing with four minutes to go, 19-7, to the Green Bay Packers in the NFC championship game. At this point, Packer fans, known as the cheeseheads, knew they were headed for the Super Bowl and were going wild, celebrating with swiss cheese fondue, melted brie inside puff pastry and my personal favorite, crab rangoon. The game was in the bag.
But then, the greatness of sports finishes took over, as the Seahawks came back from the dead, and in a finish that you wouldn’t believe, went ahead and won in overtime, after taking the lead in final two minutes, only to have the Packers drive downfield in the final minute of regulation to tie the score.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call must-see TV. The Packer nation was left in shambles, or as longtime Packer fan told me, ‘It’s the worst loss in my lifetime.”
The last four minutes of the game was surreal, as it was the largest comeback ever in a conference title game. It was so unscripted. You had to see it to believe it. I saw it and I still didn’t believe it.
After the game, Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, who claims Jesus came to him in a dream when he was 14 years old, said,“That’s God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special. I’ve been through a lot in life, and had some ups and downs. It’s what’s led me to this day.”
Packer QB Aaron Rodgers had a slighty different take on the subject. I don’t think God cares a whole lot about the outcome. He cares about the people involved, but I don’t think he’s a big football fan.” Amen, brother.
One more note on the game. It seems the Las Vegas initially screwed up the point spread and made the Seahawks an early 3 point favorite. Well, 80% of the bets in the first 24 hours were on the Patriots, which means the big gamblers thought the spread was wrong and put a ton of dough on New England. So the big money is riding on New England, and if the Patriots win, Las Vegas is going to take it the shorts. Big time. Count on it.
Remember, it’s doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s whether or not you beat the spread.
For our Super Bowl viewing session, we are going to back to a series of photos I shot back on a Sunday night back in February 2006. The place was Stockton Avenue along West Cliff Drive, and on this night the sky did not disappoint. The cloud color went from soft tangerine to vivid orange orange before finishing up with the grand finale of a blood red. Meanwhile, the waves were pumping and the crowds along the cliff were loving it, making it a perfect, super Sunday night.
“Vice President Joe Biden said he has privately met with 17 Republican senators at his home to try and connect on issues like tax reform. Biden asked what he can do to speed up negotiations, while Democrats asked, “Does this door lock from the outside?” A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start at just $99. If there’s two words I trust together in the same sentence, it’s “cheap” and “helicopter.” – Jimmy Fallon