Good morning and greetings, NFL fans. Well, Super Bowl XLVIII is now a thing of the past, as yesterday America came together to consume more alcohol in a 24 hour period than on any other day of the year, with every other day, besides New Year’s Eve, coming in second. American, love it or drink it.
Being a non-consumer of the spirits, I only participate in the consumption of the 800 million pounds of guacamole along with 145,000 tons of chips consumed on this day. Of course, I always down a half dozen Hansens Natural Sodas made with real cane sugar to keep myself hydrated.
But this year, I hadn’t had time for the cane, as my doctor said if I don’t get my cholesterol down I’m facing possible castration. So no sugary liquids made it into my bloodstream. Face it, my body is a temple. Anyway, I don’t handle alcohol well. I’m more from the Woody Allen school of drinking, or as he once said, “The last time I had a drink I tried taking my pants off over my head.”
But that’s no reason for the rest of the nation not to party like it’s 1999. Yesterday, during the commercial-free battle between the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks, there was major consumption of food and drink. Because after all, this is America, and it was be the most super of Sundays.
It’s the way sports fans and raging alcoholics celebrate. Or as Frank Sinatra once chimed in, “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” Well, Frank, I guess I’ll just have to continue doing it “My Way.”
But there was much pregame excitement leading up to the build up to the big game. Super Bowl fans spent more money on food, snacks and recreational activities than on a year’s worth of the national Obamacare bill.
Actually, at this point, between Covered California and Anthem Blue Cross, I’d be better off if I had signed up for Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don’t Care.
Back to the game. On the food front, we’re talking about the intake of enough slices of two topping pizzas and cheesy breadsticks to blanket the continental U.S. from the eastern seaboard to to pepperoni coast. If you line up the chicken wings and throw on some honey barbecue sauce, we could stretch that to Marshall Islands before halftime.
As for myself, I went low key on the snack front, as I’m trying to lower my hopes and triglycerides. I had some buffalo tofu fries, vegan snickerdoodles and a gallon sized chocolate milk shake, so I was good for three quarters. The fourth quarter was just lots of lemon water to satisfy my sugar cravings and a big plate of low fat double cheesy nachos.
So I hope you gathered with friends, family or your probation officer and enjoyed the game, which was a great matchup on paper. It was the legendary quarterback Peyton Manning, with the league’s best offense versus the mild-mannered Richard Sherman and the Seahawk defense.
We all know what happened, as there was jubilation in the Emerald City as the Seahawks completely demolished the Broncos. And there was a lot of interest in who won or lost, as over $99 zillion dollars were wagered yesterday on all different aspects of the game.
We all know that you can bet on who scored the first touchdown, who led at halftime or if Madonna was wearing any underwear in 2012. But let’s go back to MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey, and check out some of the prop bets you could have made. And as Pete Rose says, “please gamble responsibly.”
So here we go, courtesy yours truly and Bovada at www.Bovada.lv. Will it snow during the game? What will the temperature be a kickoff and the lowest temperature during the game? Will the power go out in the stadium? Will there be an earthquake, typhoon, or a one-sided, total blowout eclipse of the sun?
Lots of pregame action. How long will it take opera star Renee Fleming, and one of my favorite Sopranos, to sing the national anthem? Will she forget or omit at least one official word? Will she be wearing gloves when she starts singing, and if so, what color will they be? Will she showing any bare midriff? And will Denver running back Knowshon Moreno cry during the singing of the anthem, and if so, how many tears?
On to the Manning boys. How many times will Peyton Manning yell “Omaha” or “Help” during the game? Will Peyton throw a pick six? Will he throw a touchdown pass or interception first? How many times will his father, Archie, brother, Eli Manning, or Peyton’s first girlfriend be shown? And if she’s shown, did he get to first base on his first date?
On to the halftime celebration. What song will Hawaiian-born and raised Bruno Mars perform first? Will he and the Red Hot Chili Peppers play a song on stage at the same time? Will any member of the Chili Peppers be shirtless during their performance.? Will any go without pants? And will the halftime show break the record for most watched, set by Madonna in 2012, when she threw two touchdowns and ran for another in Indianapolis?
Will any player receive a penalty for excessive celebration? Who will Barack Obama pick to win the game? What color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach? What will happen to the Dow Jones on Monday? And finally, will announcers Joe Buck or Troy Aikman say the word “Marijuana” during the game? How about ganga or Mary Jane?
Well, since it was Super Sunday, for Super Monday, I am featuring a sunrise I shot on a Super Saturday. I’m referring to last Saturday, January 25, and the location was Lighthouse Point. This was a sunrise that did not disappoint. When the sky was peaking and blowing up red, it was just awesome, and the fact that it comes and goes so quickly is not lost on me.
However, this morning continued to evolve, as the sun came up and the clouds stuck around, creating a fantastic collage on the big screen of life. Throw in the soundtrack of big waves crashing along the cliffs and shoreline and it made for me my favorite sunrise so far this season. It was a sight to behold. In the words of the boss, Bruce Springstein,”Glory days, glory days.”
On to some late night humor “A petition to have Justin Bieber deported got over 100,000 signatures, which means the White House now has to legally rule on it. So finally a chance for Obama to issue an executive order that both Republicans and Democrats can agree on.” – Jay Leno “There’s more trouble for Justin Bieber. Last night he was arrested in Toronto for assaulting a limo driver. First a DUI, now an assault charge. If Bieber keeps this up he’s never going to get into a good college.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A petition on the WhiteHouse.gov website asks the U.S. to deport Justin Bieber. If they get 100,000 signatures, the White House has to respond. They already have 87,000. The Canadian military is scrambling jets and mobilizing troops along the border to make sure this doesn’t happen.” – Jimmy Kimmel “Here’s some advice for Justin Bieber. Be nice and don’t beat up limo drivers, Justin, because one day you could be one.” – David Letterman
“Once again, President Obama will grant an interview to a journalist from the network broadcasting the Super Bowl. The game is on Fox this year, so Bill O’Reilly will do the interview. I’m taking O’Reilly with the points.” – Jimmy Kimmel “Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton’s decision to run for president won’t affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden’s decision to run for president won’t affect her becoming president.” – Jimmy Fallon
“You heard about the snowstorm in Georgia. A snowstorm in Atlanta resulted in a 10-hour traffic jam. To which people in Los Angeles responded, “You guys need snow for that?” – Conan O’Brien “Iran says they want to encourage more tourism from the United States. They might want to change that “Death to America” slogan. A lot of families are not comfortable with that.” – Jay Leno
“Subway has announced a major new campaign to get people to eat healthier. I’m no health expert, but maybe the first thing to do is not sell people piles of meat and bread by the foot. The mayor of Sochi, Russia, said that his city has no gay people. Yeah. Then his son said, “Dad, we need to talk.” – Conan O’Brien
So that’s it for January 2014 as February is now at the plate. We’ll catch you retiring from thirty years of running pro basketball and making the NBA a must-see international product. Aloha, mahalo and later, David Stern.