Good morning and greetings, rock and roll fans. Music is my mistress, as many days I walk around with a certain song playing over and over in my head, drowning out the voices that I normally hear and cherish. And cherish is a word I use to describe all the feelings that I have for you cyber readers inside.

Speaking of cherish, not to be confused with cherries, which are bursting with flavor and sweetness this time of the year, it was the first song played when my wife and I hit the dance floor at our wedding. It was either going to be that or the Guess Who’s’ American Woman,’ but “American woman, stay away from me,” really didn’t set the tone for what is an ongoing, twenty-four year journey of love, trust and Tivo, and definitely not in that order.

My wife and I have become inseparable, like two snow peas in a pod. She makes sure I’m balanced and rotated, like a good set of Michelin tires. I’m not sure she feels the same way, as the other day she quoted feminist Gloria Steinem, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” She then followed with this doozy from the former undercover Playboy Bunny, “The surest way to be alone is to get married.” I broke down and I cried. Hallmark couldn’t have said it any better.

After dropping off our daughter at school in the morning, we walk together on beautiful West Cliff Drive. It’s a magnificent way to start the day. She tells me about her hopes, dreams and aspirations, while my mind wonders about what I’ll be making for dinner that night. But through my nodding and inane comments she knows that I’m listening, a trait that is not easy for me, as my mind races faster than the earth rotates around Oprah. As she once told David Letterman, “When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes.” And that’s why I wear sunglasses, because I’m finally getting the feeling that at this belated date, my future is ahead of me.

But stop the presses. Five minutes after I wrote the line about my brightening future, I had to remove my shades, as I received a phone call from a long time compatriot that put a damper on my previous statement. I found it somewhat ironic that less than 300 seconds after I had written the most optimistic sentence in my blogging career, I was suddenly no longer in that moment of joy and excitement. I was in a place that I had visited way too often in my life, where I didn’t need to make an appointment as it seemed they were expecting me. The future just ain’t what it used to be.

The situation brought to mind a scene from Woody Allen’s “Play I Again, Sam,” where he’s in a museum, attempting to pick up a woman who’s looking at a painting. Woody: That’s quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn’t it? Woman: Yes, it is. Woody: What does it say to you? Woman: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak straitjacket in a black, absurd cosmos. Woody: What are you doing Saturday night? Woman: Committing suicide. Woody: What about Friday night?

Life is so strange, but with all the good and bad, it’s really just how you perceive it between your two ears. It seems like every day I’m getting older. Pablo Picasso said it takes a long time to grow young. I don’t want to say I’m getting old, but the most exercise I get is looking for my glasses. I’ve already lived the lives of five golden retrievers. And yet I still want to chase that tennis ball.

However, for a young man in his 60′s, I’m great shape. Despite waking up to go to the bathroom 13,000 times a night, I’m always fresh and raring to go in the morning. I know I don’t get enough sleep, and perhaps that’s why I spend a good part of the day opening my mouth involuntarily while taking a long, deep breath of air. I believe the medical term is called yawning and is a result of stress, tiredness and extreme virility. Throw in the fact that I snore like a banchee and next to Lou Gehrig, my wife might be the luckiest man alive.

The most important thing for me is keeping my mind active and making sure my DVR is plugged in. That’s why week after week I pound away at this key board, like Mozart with a jump shot, trying to put together some words and sentences together that don’t violate the Volstead Act. And who knows what the future holds? I could be sitting on a gold mine. So stay tuned.

For today’s photo appetizer, I’m finishing what I started two weeks, ago, when I featured a gorgeous late January sunrise shot at Steamers Lane. The mid afternoon cloud action over the bay was incredible. Today’s photos are the second half of the daily double, which was the fabulous sunset I shot that same night.

I started out my photographic adventure at Stockton Avenue along West Cliff Drive, and then like Lewis and Clark without the services of Sacagawea, made my way up to Natural Bridges for the grand finale. Just a beautiful night from the winter of 2013 on Monterey Bay. Days like this is why God invented the sky.

No late night humor this week so I’m going with a few jokes. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says “What the hell was that all about?”

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, “Here’s a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.” The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It’s a woman. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?” A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?” He says: “What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?” Another few days go by, and it’s raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, “Honey, there’s a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?” He says, “What do I look like, Bob Vila?” The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. “Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them,” she says. “Great! How much is that going to cost me?” he snarls. Wife says: “Nothing. He said he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.” “Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?” asks the husband. “What do I look like,” she says, “Betty Crocker?”

So that’s our first blast for June. We’ll catch you stepping up in the playoffs and showing NBA fans why you’re the best young center in the eastern conference. Aloha, mahalo and later, Roy Hibbert fans.

Good morning and greetings, presidential inauguration fans. Well, it finally warmed up, after a stretch of frigid weather last week that had me wondering if I was living on the central coast of California or in northern Siberia. I don’t want to say it was cold, but at one point I actually considered listening to Rush Limbaugh. That’s how desperate I was for some hot air.

So we all know that 2012 was a wacky year on the weather front in the U.S., with the severe drought in the midwest and Hurricane Sandy ranking one-two on the hit list. The weather so far in 2013 has been pretty unusual, with record highs and lows in all the wrong places. We’ve had blizzards, tornadoes, flooding and Peyton Manning once again coming up short in the postseason. Or as the Cowardly Lion said to Dorothy and the Scarecrow when they woke up and saw it was snowing in the field of poppies,”Unusual weather we’re having, ain’t it?”

Well, this strange magic is not confined to just our section of the globe. In a story by Peter Miller for National Geographic News, he reports that the weather in 2013 is going to extremes worldwide, with a snowstorm in Jerusalem, wildfires in Australia, a cold snap in China, and heat wave in Brazil. Based on my science background, ouija board and my personal psychic’s annual newsletter, it looks like 2013 is going to be as wild meteorologically as 2012.

Those worldwide weather events reminded me of the theme song from the 1961 sitcom, “Car 54, Where Are You?”, starring Fred Gwynne and Joe E. Ross.
“There’s a hold up in the Bronx, Brooklyn’s broken out in fights. There’s a traffic jam in Harlem that’s backed up to Jackson Heights. There’s a scout troop short a child, Kruschev’s due at Idlewild Car 54, Where Are You?”

That song was written by Nat Hiken, the comic genuis who also created the the “Phil Silvers Show,” starring one of my childhood heroes, Master Sergeant Earnest Bilko. Larry David, the guy who wrote the classic Emmy award winning Seinfeld script, “The Contest,” says that his all-time favorite show is “Sgt. Bilko.” I’m right there with him, along with many “Honeymooners” fans. And yes, I’m still a master of my domain.

Anyway, pardon my digression, as sometimes my mind moves quicker than members of Michael Jackson’s family did after his death, in getting to his home in search of cash. I’m soothed by the words of American literary academic Mason Cooley, who said “The more learned a writer, the more digression beckons him.” And as either Ralph Kramden or writer Ralph Caplan once said, “Nothing is more to the point than good digression.”

Now back to the nutty weather. Eight inches of snow fell in Jerusalem last week, closing roads and Chinese restaurants all across the city. It was the biggest winter storm there in 20 years and caused more havoc than when Mel Gibson tried davening at the Wailing Wall. But the storm brought fun and joy, as children celebrated the occasion by making snowballs the shape of matzo balls and potato knishes.

In Australia, a heat wave smashed records across the country, as the national weather agency added two new colors to its weather maps to handle the possibility of unprecedented temperatures: deep purple for for above 122°F and hot pink for above 125.5°F . The first eight days of the year were among the warmest on record or CD, with January 7 ranking as Australia’s hottest day ever. How hot was it? Aborigines were seen buying air conditioners while at the beach, swimmers couldn’t walk to the water without burning their feet on the sand. But don’t sweat it, because in the words of cartoonist Charles Schultz, ” Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”

Elsewhere around the global wide world of sports, the weather has been equally extreme. Residents in the eastern U.S. and northern Europe were shocked with springlike weather conditions and the early season play of the New York Knicks. Tokoyo saw three inches of snow fall last weekend, which according to the sushi chefs at Benihaba, is nearly half of its typical total for a full year.

In China, the average temperature fell to 25°F in early January, the lowest in nearly three decades. More than a thousand ships in China’s Laizhou Bay loaded with spring rolls, barbecued spare ribs and shrimp wonton soup destined for the free world have been frozen into the ice. There’s an old Cantonese saying “Anything that walks, swims, crawls or flies with its back to heaven is edible”. However, if it once barked, purred, buzzed, snarled, growled or whistled, that’s where I draw my sweet and sour line, if you catch my drift.

Finally, in northeast Brazil, a drought and heat wave prompted officials to consider rationing electricity for the first time in a decade, as the temperatures in Rio de Janeiro reached a record 109.8°F. I guess this would be a good time to mention my favorite Michael Caine movie is the romantic comedy “Blame it on Rio,” co-starring Joseph Bologna, a very young Demi Moore and the lovely Michelle Johnson. “Last night didn’t happen. I know. I was there when it didn’t happen.”

These extreme conditions are becoming the norm. In a report released last Friday, a team of U.S. scientists reported that the frequency and duration of extreme conditions are clear signs of a changing climate. 2012 ranked as the warmest year on record for the lower 48 states, as the average temperature was more than three degrees higher than the average for the 20th century. At the same time, the amount of ice covering the Arctic Ocean shrank to its lowest level ever in late 2012. The great drought of 2012 could turn into a two-year drought, costing the nation tens of billions of dollars in crop loss again. But the good news is that “American Idol” is back with its dueling divas, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj. Others dream, Idol delivers.

The skies, for the most part last week, were clearer than my judgement, so for today’s photo arcade we are going back the final night of 2012. That would be New Year’s Eve, December 31, the final sunset of the year. I located myself at Stockton Avenue along West Cliff Drive, and it was the culmination that brought closure to another fabulous year of sunrises, sunsets and sunrises. When I channeled my old pal Jim Morrison about the occasion, he said, “This is the end, my only friend, the end.”

On to some late night humor. “President Obama’s inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans. On Sunday the White House will hold a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, on Sunday Republicans will hold a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama. Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don’t worry. They’ll still be free at the airport.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama told Congress it must raise our debt limit because the U.S. ‘is not a deadbeat nation.” Then the president added, ‘By the way, if China calls, I’m not here.’ Yesterday Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke during a court session for the first time in seven years. He never speaks and he finally spoke. It’s already being called the best ‘that’s what she said’ joke ever. Wal-Mart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Wal-Mart is going to invade Costco.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama’s half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States. President Obama is coming under criticism that his new administration has less diversity than his first one. Which is why this morning Obama said, ‘All right, fine, I am a Muslim.” –Conan O’Brien “President Obama recently came under fire over the lack of diversity in his cabinet. Then Obama said, ‘You guys know I’ll be there, too, right?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“The Golden Globes last night had a lot of great moments. During Jodie Foster’s emotional speech she said she was gay, 50, and friends with Mel Gibson. Afterwards, her publicist told Jodie, ‘I’m going to need a raise.’” –Conan O’Brien “Prostitutes in Brazil have started learning English so they can communicate with out-of-town clients during the World Cup. They are learning key phrases like, ‘You are very handsome’ and ‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Sheen.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn’t have happened if those fish had guns.” –Jay Leno

So that’s news and weather. We’ll catch you showing everyone on a nightly basis why you’re the best player on the planet. Aloha, mahalo and later, LeBron James fans.

Good morning and greetings, winter solstice fans. Well, the days, much like the time it takes me to do a 100 pushups in the morning, are once again getting longer. Autumn is now history, but it went out with a memorable bang, delivering a body blow to the nation’s midsection as the first big blizzard of the season hit on the final day of fall, putting the big chill on holiday travelers, retailers and Santa’s reindeer.

So at this time of year, when the weather turns a bit nippy, my favorite activitity changes from running to chewing. And every once in a while, I stray from my strict vegan diet and enjoy a hearty sandwich. It could be a chicken parmesan, corned beef or bacon, lettuce and tofu. Or perhaps a french dip, patty melt or the old reliable cream cheese and jelly. Then there’s the meatball marinara, barbecued tri-tip or roast beef and cheese. Let’s face it, put anything that once walked between two slices of warm, fresh bread and I’ll eat it.

I believe it was the early Aztecs who developed the first sandwich, a grilled ham and cheese with a horseradish mustard dressing. It has become as much a part of the American landscape as ABC’s “Nashville,” starring the lovely Connie Britton and Hayden Panittiere. It’s been studied and eaten by the great philosophers of our times. As writer Bill Bryson put it, “In three minutes, 98 percent of all the matter there is or ever will be has been produced. We have a universe. It is a place of wonderous beauty and gratifying possibility. And it was all done in about the time it takes to make a sandwich.” And with that, my condiments to the chef.

But there is one sandwich that is my Eliot Ness, the untouchable. And that would be the McRib. But what do we really know about this legendary boneless pork sandwich that is famously molded, caulked and grouted to resemble a rack of ribs? Well, hold on to your mcappetites, because I’m going to give you the low down on this legendary beast of burden that comes slathered in sweet and tangy barbecue sauce on a soft, warm bun.

In a story written by Dina Spector and Kim Bhasin for Yahoo News, McDonald’s announced that the McRib is back. This has faithful devotees of the sandwich and nutritionists dancing in the streets, as nothing in modern sandwich times compares to the following of the shrewdly marketed and boldly bonelessly engineered product.

This grand slam of pork pleasure was supposed to return at the end of October, but was pushed back to help boost end-of-the-year sales just in case the Mayans were right.

So what’s the story behind the McRib? Rene Arend, the inventor of the Chicken McNugget and the Hubble Space Telescope, said that the McNugget was so popular when it was first introduced that the Golden Arches ran out chicken. So out of necessity, as McNuggets were scarcer than finding a Tea Party liberal, McDonald’s needed a new hot-selling product, and the Filet-O-Lobster wasn’t the answer.

Rene Arend designed the McRib after the barbecue-sauce-slathered pork sandwiches he ate during a visit to the Mayo Clinic. The McRib doesn’t contain a single bone or piece of cartilage. With no bones, you’ve got more taste. And no bones means more pork, which means more sandwich, and more sandwich means means satisfaction. And that’s a guarantee you can take to your cardiologist.

Before we go any further, I should tell you that on the McDonald’s website, there a little directive spelling out “The 101 reasons to eat a McRib.” Here’s the intro. “We know you’re out there. The ones who have never tasted the legend that is the McRib. Maybe you’re saying, “Give me a reason to try a McRib. With that tender, boneless pork bathed in our sweet and tangy barbecue sauce, do you really think we could stop at one reason?” The sound you hear now is my rabbi screaming.

In 1972, a professor at the University of Nebraska, Roger Mandingo, developed the “restructured meat product” that the McRib is actually made of . This “restructured meat product” contains a mixture of tripe, heart, and scalded stomach, which is then mixed with salt and water to extract proteins from the muscle. Now doesn’t that sound yummy? The proteins bind all the pork trimmings together so that it can be re-molded into any specific shape — in this case, a fake slab of ribs, frisbee or a new heart valve. When the folks at Burger King heard this, they said, “Go ahead, have it your way.”

McDonalds and the Better Sandwich Bureau says the McRib consists of just five basic components: a pork patty, barbecue sauce, pickle slices, onions, and a sesame bun. But, as reported by Time magazine, a closer inspection of McDonald’s own ingredient list reveals that it contains a total of 70 ingredients, including azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent often used in the production of foamed plastics like yoga mats. Well, nothing says improved flexibility, more strength, better concentration, improved posture and better breathing than downing a pork sandwich for the ages.

The McRib has become a legend for its here today, gone tomorrow appearances on McDonald’s menus. And like my obsession with the new Miley Cyrus, it has generated a cult-like following. As they boast at the Arch’s site, “You’ve seen what we did to french fries. Just think about how drool-inducing we can make pork.”

Well, unfortunately, they haven’t quite sold me on taking the McRib challenge, as I’m in training for a pizza triathlon. Let’s face it, McDonald’s has struck gold with this juicy, tender, boneless,semi-real pork concoction on a sesame bun. As franchise founder Ray Kroc himself would tell you, “The McRib only comes once year and you never know when. Tasting one is like catching a glimpse of a falling star.” Check, please.

Today’s photo foray features the first hour of light from last Friday, the first day of winter. This was the winter solstice at its finest, with the added Toulouse-Lautrec like effect of it being the shortest day of the year. I was thrilled when I first saw the early morning sky, as I knew something special was sitting on the horizon. I was shooting up and down along West Cliff as huge waves battered the coast. As an added bonus, after the initial cloud colors disappeared, new ones appeared (photo #4,) which surprised and delighted yours truly. After putting an all-star performance, the sun disappeared into the dark clouds. Two hours later, it was pouring and the storm was in full regalia. But what an opening act.

On to some late night humor. “In what’s being called a stunning literary find, a Danish historian has discovered the last remaining, unpublished fairy tale from Hans Christian Andersen. It’s called “Congress Solves the Fiscal Cliff. Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton passed out, hit her head, and suffered a minor concussion. Well, we found out today why she passed out. Apparently, she heard the Lakers won two games in a row.” – Jay Leno According to the Mayan calendar, Friday is the end of the world. You know what? There is a sign of the apocalypse. The New York Knicks are in first place.” – David Letterman “And as silly as this all may seem, a worldwide survey shows that one in 10 people believe the world is going to end on Friday. A Chinese man even designed a survival pod. The inventor says they can hold 14 people comfortably, or roughly three American people comfortably.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“And now The Mayan Channel forecast. Thursday: cloudy, chance of showers, high 39. Friday: volcanos, asteroid strikes, apocalypse.” – David Letterman
“Everybody I run into is talking about the end of the world. They’re not believers in the Mayan apocalypse. They’re Laker fans.” – Conan O’Brien “After three years and six seasons, the final episode of “Jersey Shore” aired tonight. Or as the Mayans put it, “So we were off by one day.” This week, police in Ohio had to break up a fight between two neighbors with the last names Hall and Oates. But don’t worry. It was quickly broken up by officers Simon and Garfunkel.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago Airlines in Europe are testing a new robot that can make drinks for passengers instead of having flight attendants do it. This way, flight attendants can stay focused on their most important job — ramming the beverage cart into your elbow.” – Jimmy Fallon “A woman in Spain was arrested for stashing three pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. I thought, “That’s quite a bust.” – Craig Fersguson

So that’s the pre holiday scoop. We’ll catch you being named Sports Illustrated Man of the Year and not being called for a personal foul in over two weeks. Aloha, mahalo and later, LeBron James fans.

Good morning and greetings, late fall fans. Well, I’m counting down the days on my Taylor Swift calendar until winter takes center stage on Friday. But before we catapult from the shortest day of the year into the cold play of seasons, I want to go back to the last Wednesday, when the Mayan calendar and my life speedometer read 12/12/12/. Added together, it’s the perfect 36, which is the score I would be hoping for if I ever took the ACT exam. For me, it’s always about the academics and chocolate. Or as the Pope summed it up, “God gave the angels wings and humans chocolate.”

It was a day of great significance, as I turned 60 years old but felt 16 degrees celsius. So as I merrily skipped down West Cliff Drive the following morning, I decided that because of all the hoopla that went along with this celebration of twelves, I would write about a few things that cascaded through my mind that morning. Or at least the ones I could tell you about without being fined by the FCC or the National Association of Professional Women. Nobody knows the truffles I’ve seen.

Leading off is my son’s return from college. He’s has been away for three months. As a result of his absence, I slice and dice a lot less as leftovers last a lot longer without his teenage appetite at the plate. I find myself trying to engage my wife and daughter in conversations about sports, and I never tire of them rolling their eyes at me in delight. Actually, the biggest change is that I no longer live vicariously through my sports-minded son, but instead through my golden retriever. Of course, I now have the opportunity to spend quality time with my 15-year-old daughter. We do our hair, exchange makeup tips and talk a lot of WNBA. I see so much of me in her, which is scary and rewarding at the same time.

Meanwhile, the days are getting shorter, the temperature is getting colder and I’m still getting older. When I hit West Cliff in my fall shorts collection for the 7:30 tip off, I’m chilled and thrilled. But after walking for ten minutes or so along the gorgeous Pacific, I find myself warming to the occasion as a pleasant thaw sets in, erasing my emotional numbness. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s exhilarating to be out there strolling along the edge of the continent. And then there’s the human bonding factor. Let’s face it, I’m a people person. Over the years, I’ve seen the same folks day after day on these morning jaunts, yet I’ve never once acknowledged any of them. Of course, I’m just kidding, it hasn’t been years.

On an sad note, my camera died of a massive stroke on December 4th. Fortunately, my brother Brad rode to the rescue and bought me a new car, er camera body, to replace it. I am now shooting with a Canon Rebel T3i, which is a nice upgrade from my old Digital Rebel. I don’t want to say my previous camera was old, but scientists uncovered fossil remains of this model at a recent archeological dig.

So with my new pal in hand, I shot my first sunrise with it on Friday morning. I’m featuring its glory in today’s post. I started out shooting along the path at West Cliff before perching myself on a large log down at Its Beach in order capture the reflection of the color in the sand. As the sky started to glow and I went into Ansel Adams’ mode, I can honestly say that I was just as excited about capturing these sunrise moments as when I first started shooting. Unlike B.B. King, the thrill is not gone.

The last two shots shot are a glimpse of the sunset from that evening. The sky was cloudy all afternoon but just before the sun dropped an opening appeared near the horizon, and I took full advantage of the photo opportunity. It’s literally a new dawn shooting with this baby. And an assist goes out to my brother Paul for gifting me with a new computer monitor, so I can stare for hours at these images on a screen the size of my car windshield.

So the whole birthday experience was tremendously warm and satisfying, like the ingesting of the dozens of potato latkes I consumed during the festival of lights. But then another senseless tragedy reared it’s ugly head, the slaughtering of young school children and teachers in Connecticut. I know when people read this blog, they are hoping to find some humor, or at least sentences with correct punctuation. I will never understand why bad things happen to good people and why evil is so pervasive. By writing this blog, I hope in some miniscule way that these words of mirth and frivolity take away from all the bad that surrounds us. I know it probably doesn’t, but I’m going to keep giving laughter a shot.

On to the late night. “According to the latest census poll, a large number of Californians are moving out of state and going to places like Texas and Nevada. Look, I know a lot of us are disgusted with the Lakers, but that’s no reason . . . The Lakers are so bad, when Mitt Romney talks about the 47 percent, he means Dwight Howard’s free throw shooting. A close friend of mine said his doctor gave him less than two weeks to live. But it turns out his doctor’s a Mayan. He says that to everybody.” –Jay Leno

“Al Qaeda’s number two man has been killed by an American drone in Pakistan. In a related story, today Al Qaeda’s number three man announced he’s stepping down to spend more time with his family.” –Jay Leno “Mitt Romney met Manny Pacquiao just before Pacquiao lost his boxing match to Juan Manuel Marquez. Afterwards, Romney told Pacquiao, ‘You lost for the same reason I did – young Hispanics.’” –Conan O’Brien “McDonald’s reported today that it had better than expected sales in the month of November. Executives credit the success to increased advertising, new menu items, and two states legalizing weed.” –Jimmy Fallon

The International Olympic Committee has stripped India of its right to participate in the games. In response, India said, ‘Fine, just try logging on to your computers now.’ The governor of Arizona punched a reporter who asked her about global warming. Afterwards she apologized. She said, ‘Sorry, I’m a little touchy because it’s almost Christmas and it’s 135 degrees outside. – Conan O’Brien “Today the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the European Union. The peace prize is awarded in Oslo. When someone told me, I said, ‘Norway?’ He said, ‘Yes, way.’” –Craig Ferguson

So as 2012 winds down, there’s one more shout out to all my classmates and friends that were born in 1952 and turned the big 60 this year. And that would be to my old New Jersey pal, Steve Margolin. I’ve known Steve since grammar school, and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about how he’s always been jealous of me. We played years of basketball together, traveled through Europe and pounded down some of the best Chinese food on the planet. He’s been a great friend and is the most excited New York Knick fan in North America. Just don’t ask him about that time I struck him out with a sidearm fastball in our minor league championship game.

So that’s our final fall report before we head into winter mode. We’ll catch you being the most surprising rookie quarterback in the NFL and having your team in playoff contention. Aloha, mahalo and later, Russell Wilson fans.

Good morning and greetings, Presidential Election fans. Wow, what a wild and tragic week we had running up to Tuesday’s election. Hurricane Sandy wreaked unbelievable havoc and destruction along the east coast, with the most severe damage occurring in my home state of New Jersey and New York. These two states and the New York Jets were declared a state of emergency while requesting federal assistance about what to do with Tim Tebow.

This incredibly powerful freak storm left behind a surreal landscape of devastation. We’re talking homes destroyed, towns under water, millions without power and heat, the New York subway system ground to a halt, a rising death toll and Halloween being cancelled in many places. So much for eat, drink and be scary. There was talk of cancelling the election, as how were people going to get to the polls? By canoe?

The final word on Sandy comes from Yankee fans, who said if the storm had been named Hurricane A-Rod, it wouldn’t have hit anything.

But we are still on track to vote to see who will occupy the White House for the next four years. So with some big help from the folks at randomhistory.com, let’s take a look at some fun facts about previous presidential elections. Or as either Donald Trump or his hairdresser once said, “How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?”

The first official presidential election in the U.S. took place in 1779, with George Washington becoming our first Commander-in-Chief. While in office, the Father of our Country did not chop down any cherry trees, refused to serve a third term and made history by becoming the first president not to blame his troubles on the previous administration.

Under the heading of “I did not know that,” prior to the 12th Amendment of the Constitution in 1804, the presidential candidate who received the second highest number of electorial votes was named the vice-president. The oldest presidential candidate to be elected was Ronald Reagan at age 69, while the youngest was John F. Kennedy at 43. If he had been elected in 2008, John McCain would have take over the title of oldest elected president at age 172, er, 72 years old.

In the 1984 presidential election, Reagan received both the highest number of popular votes (54,455,075) and the highest number of electoral votes (525) in history. As a Hollywood actor, Ronnie once played the role of football star George Gipp in “Knute Rockne, All American.” Because of this, I would tell my son before he stepped onto the floor before a big game, “Sometime when the team is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they’ve got and win just one for the Gipper.’

The first general election presidential debate was held on September 26, 1960, between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon. Prior to this, presidential candidates occasionally debated, but never on TV. Tricky Dick had not completely recovered from a hospital stay and looked pale, tired and sickly. He also refused to wear any makeup, and as a result, he had a heavy five o’clock shadow look on the black-and-white TV screens from that era. JFK, by contrast, was tan, confident and relaxed with Marilyn Monore sitting in his lap during the debate. For Nixon, it was a Watergate,er, watershed moment.

The presidential election is traditionally held on the Tuesday after the first Monday in November. Or in the words of Gregg Allman, “They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday is just as bad.” November was chosen as the election month because it was a convenient time for farmers, when the weather was still nice enough to travel to the county seat, as the bulk of their harvest chores and Halloween trick-or-treating was done.

The Obama-McCain 2008 presidential election was the first time in U.S. history when two sitting senators, although McCain was probably dozing, ran against each other for president. Only two women have ever won the nomination of a major party in a U.S. presidential election: Geraldine Ferraro was the Democratic vice-presidential nominee in 1984, and Sarah Palin was the 2008 Republican vice-presidential nominee. However, Palin was the only one who could see Russia from her house.

In 2000, Al Gore won the popular vote but lost the election to George Bush when the Supremely Inept Court stopped the Florida recount of ballots, giving George W. the state’s 25 electoral votes, for a total of 271 to Gore’s 255. This went down as the biggest heist in history until Saddam Hussein’s ordered his son to rip off $1 billion from Iraq’s Central Bank just hours before the U.S. began bombing Baghdad.

So let’s end with the following oaths. “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” And more importantly, I’m Geoffrey Gilbert and I approve this blog.

For today’s photo recap we are going back to the lovely evening of October 7. The clouds were lining up nicely as I hit Stockton Avenue for the sunset cruise, and as this day turned into night, no man nor beast walked away disappointed. Or to quote the great Woody Allen, “Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.”

On to some late night. “Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning. We had the last presidential debate. A very subdued Mitt Romney. If you saw it, Obama would talk, and then Mitt would say, ‘what he said, but from a white guy.’ In the last three weeks, Mitt Romney has come out against tax cuts for the rich, against war, and suddenly for regulations, for teachers, for auto bailouts, for the UN, for birth control, for foreign aid. And what I love is that at this point it’s too late for the Tea Party to do anything about this except act like they’re okay with it. At this point they’re at this point they’re like Jerry Sandusky’s wife.” –Bill Maher

“Michelle Obama is with us tonight. She’ll encourage us to vote early. Most Republicans are opposed, because they believe that voting starts at conception.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Today Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for president. This news surprised many elderly Americans who thought they were the same person.” –Craig Ferguson “The debates are over. All that’s left right now is to set up and rig the voting machines.” –David Letterman

“Michael Brown, the former director of FEMA who was forced to resign after Hurricane Katrina, has criticized the president. He said Obama may have acted too quickly this time — instead of taking the wait-and-do-nothing approach that worked so well during Katrina.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Donald Trump, did you see him today? He was giving candy only to kids who could show their birth certificate and their school records.” –Jay Leno “President Obama now has a 52-point lead with Hispanics. However, Mitt Romney has a 90-point lead with the people who hire Hispanics.” –Conan O’Brien

“The hurricane has interrupted the presidential campaign. Both presidential candidates are taking measures to prepare for Hurricane Sandy. President Obama is staying in Washington to coordinate relief efforts. And Mitt Romney is moving his smaller homes into his larger home.” –Conan O’Brien “This storm could mean the biggest power outage since the Yankees in the playoffs. Economic losses could reach $20 billion. And most of that is in paper towels.” –David Letterman

So that’s our election day special. Birthday wishes go out to my old backcourt running mate, Aromas’s own Doug MacKinnon. In my greatest days of basketball glory, Doug was right beside me, picking and rolling, as our opponents were helpless to stop us. The bigger they were, the harder they fell. We were legends in our own minds. Now we both have great futures behind us.

So remember to vote early and vote often. We’ll catch you being named last season’s sixth man of the year and alongside Linsanity, exploding out of the blocks this season with your new Rocket team. Aloha, mahalo and later, James Harden fans.

Good morning and greetings, late September fans. Unfortunately, this week’s post won’t be quite as sentimental as last week, as my son has trotted off to college and now I get to focus all my attention on my 15-year-old teen angel. As the Greek poet Euripedes once tweeted, ” To a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter.” But it believe it was Bill Cosby’s gardener who once said, “Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests.”

So much like the seasons, my mind has been going through them changes. On Saturday we went from summer to fall, as the autumn equinox took center stage. The fall and spring equinoxes are the only days of the year when the prodigal sun crosses the celestial equator. What this means is the sun and my daughter are rising later, that the night is coming sooner as day and night are almost equal in length. When comedienne Totie Fields was asked about this she said, “I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days.”

So with a big nod to Deborah Boyd at earthsky.org, let’s take a look at this harmonic convergence of astronomical delights. At this time of the year south of the equator, it’s spring as they prepare for Carnival in Rio and the new coca planting season. The equinox is caused by the Earth’s tilt on its axis and its relentless orbit around the sun. Astronaut Neil Arnstrong put my favorite planet in perspective when he said from space, “It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out planet Earth. I didn’t feel like a giant. I felt very, very small, like Paul Ryan.”

Back in the olden days, way before the time folks used maps, encyclopedias and pay phones, early man spent much more time outside because of slow internet access. Instead, they used the sky as a clock, calendar and TV Guide. When they looked to the sky, they could tell what time it was, what time of the year it was and what was coming up on Fox’s fall preview. They also checked out the shifting locations of the sunrise and sunset during the year, which culminated in one of the earliest photo blogs, www.sunrisefromthecave.com.

There are indications that our early ancestors built observatories and crude tanning salons to track the sun’s progress. In a somewhat out of the way location high up in the Andes mountains of Peru, the Incas built the city of Machu Picchu and a Holiday Inn Express, where an overnight stay comes with the “Express Start” breakfast bar. At this “Lost City of The Incas,” they set up the Intihuatana stone, a group of rolling stones that have been proven to be be a precise indicator of the date of the two equinoxes and first Grammy Awards.

This sacred site of Machu Picchu, much like the American Music Awards, was forgotten for centuries by the outside world. It was brought to international attention back in 1911 by Yale archeologist Hiram Bingham, while in search of a Peruvian take-out joint that had shrimp cioppino, grilled guinea pig and and piranha with sauteed vegetables on it’s menu.

By the way, Hiram Bingham initially thought that this place of incredible beauty was a sanctuary and day spa for female priests, known as the Virgins the Sun. According to early writings discovered under a fossilized chalupa, these well-tanned priests lived here, harmonized with the earth and sky and took Zumba fitness, salsa aerobics and Brazilian butt classes.

So why is it springtime in Caracas as fall takes center stage in New England? Well, that’s because Mother Earth doesn’t orbit upright, but instead is tilted on it axis, which is not to be confused with Santana’s second studio album, “Abraxas,” featuring “Oye Como Va” and “Black Magic Woman.” Because of this tilting action, the Northern and Southern hemispheres trade places in receiving the sun’s light, warmth and atmospheric love. But since this planet of ours never stops moving around the sun, these day of equal sunlight and darkness will change quicker than Mitt Romney’s position on abortion, health care, gun control and the 47% of Americans who pay no income tax and chew sugarless gum.

So as the snow birds, butterflies and drug mules migrate towards the south, the days are getting shorter than my tolerance for losing one more unnecessary U.S. soldier’s life in Afghanistan. It’s reassuring to know that 20% of Americans killed in combat this year in Afghanistan have come at the hands of our supposed allies, the Afghans. With friends like this, who need the ZZ Top-loving Taliban?

So while we’re on the change of seasons subject, because of my love for everything sweet and sour, let’s take a look how our friends in Beijing view the autumn menu.

For the Chinese, the fall season and memories of my high school graduating class are associated with the color white. So is the sound of weeping along with the images of a white tiger and a black mamba. Autumn, much like my frequent visits to the dentist, is associated with courage, sadness and frequent suctioning.

Fall is also in line with the thought of the direction west, considered to be the direction of dreams, visions and Kobe Bryant and the Laker’s task of having to go through LeBron James and the Miami Heat to win another NBA championship.

So to celebrate the autumn equinox as the early Chinese philosophers and Panda Express sous chefs once did, you might stand facing west for a few moments and consider your dreams, visions and whether your path in life leads to fried rice or chow mein, both of which come with a choice of two entrees and and unfortunate cookie.

You can also light white candles to ease the darkness of the universe, arrange white flowers in a vase, or listen to the Beatles “White Album” till your eardrums bleed. And according to the bylaws of PF Changs, you could gently weep like a Red Sox or Raider fan. But for this season, we all must find the courage to face what’s ahead, or with to-go orders, the strength to call ahead.

For this week’s photo derby we are featuring some shots that are hot off the presses. The sky blew up Friday evening on the last night of summer, and I was fortunate enough to be at Stockton Avenue along West Cliff to take in the spectacular action. It was a great sign of things to come. I believe it was my tantra yoga teacher or Ann Landers who once said, “Sensual pleasures have the fleeing brilliance of a coment. A happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset.”

On to the late night. “Mitt Romney is trailing in the polls. After being accused of being too vague, Romney’s campaign team says they will start being more specific. When asked when, they said, ‘Soon-ish.’” –Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney was here meeting with the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. He’s looking for a housekeeper for his place in La Jolla.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mitt Romney was on ‘Live With Kelly and Michael.’ At one point Mitt was asked what he wears to bed. He said as little as possible. It’s the same philosophy that Mitt has in regard to paying taxes.” –Jimmy Kimmel “On Saturday, Mitt Romney took some time off from campaigning to watch his grandson’s soccer game. Though it got awkward when one team pulled their goalie and Romney was like, ‘Look at that – another job lost under President Obama.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“All of these political strategists are trying to explain why Mitt Romney can’t seem to get his message out. I’m no strategist but it’s hard to talk with both a silver spoon and a foot in your mouth.” –Jay Leno “It’s Fall. Unless you’re Mitt Romney, and then it’s freefall.” –David Letterman “All over the world people are chanting, ‘Death to America.’ Except in China, where they’re chanting, ‘Not until we get our money back.’” –Jay Leno

So that’s my statement and I’m sticking to it. We’ll catch you, the 38-year-old former American league rookie-of-the-year and MVP, going 7 for 8 and stealing four bases in a doubleheader for the Yankees last week while trying to help Bronx Bombers make it to the postseason. Aloha, mahalo and later, Ichiro Suziki fans.

Good morning and greetings, Wimbledon fans. The early summer weather has been NBA fantastic here on the central coast. Meanwhile, across the midwest last week, record-setting heat in Chicago, Indianapolis, Milwaukee and St. Louis made folks feel like they were roasting in a Dutch oven. Throw in the fact that low temperatures were setting record highs and there was no relief pitcher in sight.

The eastern seaboard was also feeling a little toasty. How hot was it? According to Jimmy Fallon, it was so hot in New York that Mayor Michael Bloomberg was seen drinking a Big Gulp. Lance Armstrong tested postitive for Snapple. And Letterman said it was so hot in Washington that Dick Cheney waterboarded himself.

So with our central coast weather being lovelier than my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Riccabono, I was a little surprised when I woke up on July 4th to see the fog had settled in along the coast. But despite the gray anatomy, I sprang out of bed and headed down to West Cliff, only to be greeted by some early morning air that was straight out of “Play Misty for Me.”

I started on my five mile, er three mile, er mile and half walk but before I could say, “Aretha Franklin”, I encountered chain after chain of pelicans flying by in classic V formations. The first few groups numbered between 20 and 25. I stopped to marvel at their prehistoric beauty, as this sight harkened me back to my childhood and a poster of Raquel Welch in “One Million Years B.C.,” which I had hung up up due to my early interest in paleontology.

Then, thru the fog and mist came the longest chain yet. This group
numbered more than 60 pelicans flying in a long V formation. It was pure magic, and I knew at that moment what I would be featuring as a photo entree for this week’s post, which just happens to be my 333rd in my semi-illustrious, non-Pultitzer Prize winning career.

This amazing display of aerial pageantry brought me back to the year 2006, when I was down at Its Beach during some research on my thesis, “When Am I Ever Going To Use Algebra?” It was an extreme low tide day, and I was standing under the arch when I noticed chains of pelicans flying in from the south. I proceeded to shoot away like paparazzi at a Kardashian family luau, as the formations were among the most exotic I had even seen. And much like episodes of “The Closer” on a TNT marathon, they just kept on coming.

I’ve included a few other memorable in flight moments in today’s photo six pack. I took the final shot of this young pelican a month ago up at Four Mile Beach. It was temporarily grounded, and was hanging out in the marsh just off the beach. It was sad to see this sea bird in distress, and hopefully it later flew off to wash and wax its wings in the creek up at Waddell State Beach.

So here are a few fun facts about my favorite coastal bird, the brown
pelican. There are approximately eight species of pelicans, not
including disgraced investigator to the stars, Anthony Pellicano.
Alll of them have the famous throat pouch for which the birds use to
catch fish and carry ID’s and iPods.

Pelicans have been roaming the skies for about 30 to 40 million years. But unlike my transformation from love child of the 60′s to the silver-haired baby boomer I am today, their look has not changed much over the years, as they have same anatomical similarities they had back in the Flintstone days. To that I can only say, “Yabba dabba
doo.”

Brown pelicans like to dine on seafood, and accomplish this culinary
task by dive bombing and then scooping the fish into their pouches. The brown pelicans are the only species to plunge into the water from above to capture prey, which makes viewing a full blown pelican feeding frenzy (photo #5 ) a visual treat. Much like Christina Hendricks character on “Mad Men,” they are a quite a sight to see in action. And speaking of Joanie, I’m not even going to get into how her character became a full voting partner in Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Jaguar, don’t dream it, drive it.

On to a taste of the late night. “In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled President Obama’s healthcare mandate is constitutional. This is a major victory for President Obama, who spent three years promoting it, and a major setback for Mitt Romney, who spent three years creating it.” –Jay Leno “It was reported that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi wore her lucky purple shoes for the Supreme Court’s healthcare ruling – while House Speaker John Boehner wore his lucky orange face.” –Jimmy Fallon

Since we’re a little light on the late night, I’m throwing in a couple of jokes. Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say
about you? The first guy says,”I would like to hear them say that I
was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.” The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.” The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say … Look, he’s moving!

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back and ask for his two words. He clears his throat and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. ‘I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

So that’s our post Independence Day report. Stay cool and we’ll catch you winning your fifth Wimbledon singles title at age 32. Or perhaps taking home your record-tying seventh Wimbledon trophy. Aloha, mahalo and later, Serena Williams and Roger Federer fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA Final fans. Well, the tide has turned, as two weeks ago it was low tide city in the morning, and as a result, I saw more things exposed than while wandering around the various campsites at Woodstock.

In last week’s post, I wrote of how the tides are created, why they shift and what it’s like to be up at the plate with the score tied with two out in the ninth. So to stay in harmony with Mother Earth and make sure everything is even Steven, our photo emphasis today will be on high tides and greenhouse grass forever, with some big wave action thrown in as an appetizer.

These shots were taken along West Cliff Drive on two consecutive big swell days, when the surf community’s adrenaline was pumping like my heart during my daily weight training program. It’s always a treat, like seeing Marty Short banter in the late night, to see the waves smashing up against the cliffs, creating spectacular shows of spray that would make any fireman or firewoman jealous.

So what do these tides have in common? They both feature my favorite ocean, the Pacific, and that is what our non-government sanctioned, fun fact-finding tour today is all about.

I may have grown up frolicking in the Atlantic, but now the bacteria from the Pacific is in my heart, lungs and bloodstream. For the past 38 years and eleven hours, I have viewed this amazing body of water almost every day. Some days, when I’m feeling brave, I actually go in up to my knees. This is because when the water temperature is in the low 50′s, my body goes into cyrongenic shock mode. My shaman says I’m too old for this. I don’t want to say that I’m aging, but in the words of the late, great Rodney Dangerfield, “The other day I was walking by a cemetary and two guys came running after me with shovels.”

So let’s look into a few specifics of the Pacific. It is the largest, deepest, oldest and wisest of the five oceans on Earth. The Pacific covers about 46% of the Earth’s water surface. The water temperature ranges from freezing in the pole areas to about a delightful 86 degrees near the equator. Its depth is more than the height of Mount Everest. There are more than 25,000 islands in the Pacific Ocean, including one I’ll be visiting next month in the Hawaiian chain. As the natives say, Kauai not?

The Pacific was the last ocean uncovered by Europeans and the Discovery Channel. The first European to take a peek was the Spanish explorer Vasca Nunez de Rocky Balboa, who in 1513, climbed a peak in Panama and stared out over the water. He then took possession of the ocean in the name of King Ferdinand, Queen Isabella, Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz of Spain.

This would be a high point for our friend, Balboa, as when he returned to his mother country, his jealous enemies accused him of treason. He was later arrested, convicted and beheaded. I think in gratitude, he would have preferred a simple thank you. With enemies like this, who needs friends?

The Pacfic Ocean was named by Ferdinand Magellan, who was the first navigator to sail around the globe. Back in 1519, Magellan and his motley crew sailed into a body of water he described as a “beautiful, peaceful ocean.” Thus, it was named the Pacific, meaning beautiful. He found its winds and climate more gentle than those of other oceans, and he loved dining outside along the beach in Malibu.

The highlight of this trip was when Magellan and his crew, who were the first Europeans ever to sail across the Pacific, underestimated the vastness of this body of water. They went for 98 days without seeing any land and had to eat rats, sawdust, tofu, kale and boiled leather to avoid starvation. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always found boiled leather to be a little chewy, even when served medium rare. Maybe it’s just me, but a little bit of scurvy always throws off my game.

On to some late night. “A new book claims President Obama smoked a lot of marijuana while in college. And in a related story to boost his street cred, Mitt Romney admitted he was once hooked on phonics.” –Jay Leno “Somebody has been leaking classified information. John McCain is outraged. He wants to get to the bottom of who is leaking the classified information and also he wants to find out who keeps messing with his thermostat.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney is going on a six-state bus tour. Mitt is very excited because he’s never been on a bus. “Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.” –David Letterman

“It’s great to be back in Chicago. Illinois Rep. Derek Smith has been accused of accepting a $7,000 bribe. If he’s found guilty, he could serve up to four years as the state’s governor. “The last time I did a late-night show in Chicago, my guest was an up-and-coming senator called Barack Obama. And now just six short years later, he’s gone on to become a socialist Muslim from Kenya.” –Conan O’Brien

“This weekend President Obama’s daughter, Sasha, will turn 11 years old. Sasha didn’t ask Obama for a present — you know, because she’s still waiting for him to deliver the gifts he promised three birthdays ago.” –Jimmy Fallon “In Greece, the unemployment rate has risen to 22%. The solution to the problem was to raise taxes on the rich, according to the Greek president Barack Obama-opolis.” –Jay Leno

“Mayor Bloomberg has outlawed giant cans of soda. When you outlaw stuff it creates crime. I saw a guy today walking down the street and a cop is arresting him because he’s got a huge can of soda, and he said ‘No, no, this is medicinal Mountain Dew.’ “Now Mayor Bloomberg wants to make something else illegal. He wants to remove the third layer from a club sandwich.” –David Letterman

So that’s our last blast for the spring of 2012, as next week we move into Donna Summer mode. We’ll catch you throwing the 22nd perfect game in major league history. Aloha, mahalo and later, Matt Cain fans.

Good morning and greetings, French Open fans. The weather on the central coast recently, much like LeBron James 45 point outburst against the Celtics in game six, has been NBA fantastic. If you like thunder and lightning up the scoreboard, it’s a great time to be an NBA fan.

Last week on my morning strolls along West Cliff Drive, I noticed the tide was lower than my expectations of the Warriors making a good lottery pick in the upcoming NBA draft. Low tide is always a treat, as it uncovers a plethora of the coastline’s hidden treasures. So last Tuesday, before you could say, “Sofia Vergara,” I headed down to Lighthouse Point to take in the green grass and low tide action. Forever.

As you can see in photo #1, the tide down at Its Beach was lower than my score on my math SAT’s. I was hoping to be able to walk through my favorite arch to photograph this classic structure from both sides, but I hadn’t brought along my snorkeling gear, so Samuel Gompers and I had to settle for the lovely view looking west. But if I had been able to Dwyane wade through, the view would have looked very much like photo #2.

I then headed back up the steps to catch the marine mammeled flavor of Seal Rock (photo #3.) There were a couple of pods of sea lions lounging in the water nearby, but my zoom wasn’t more powerful than a locomotive or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, so I wasn’t able to get a good shot.

But the swell was up and Steamer Lane was full of surfers trying to catch some wave action. Some nice sets were rolling in (photo #4) and at that moment, I reflected back on the words of The Rascals, “It’s a beautiful mornin’. I think I’ll go outside for a while. An jus’ smile. Just take in some clean fresh air boy. Ain’t no sense in stayin’ inside. If the weather’s fine an’ you got the time.” And boys and squirrels, luckily, one thing I do have, besides an almost clean driving record, is time.

By the way, not to date myself, but I saw The Rascals in concert iin New Jersey at Palisades Amusement Park in back in the mid 1960′s. I don’t want to say I’m getting old, but at the breakfast table I hear snap, crackle and pop, and I’m not eating cereal.

Anyway, today’s six pack of photos was brought on by the advent of low tide. And as we know, Tide gets out the stains that others leave behind. Dirt can’t hide from Tide.

So now you’re probably thinking to yourselves, I wonder what causes the tides to change? I thought you’d never ask. And remember, if it’s got to be clean, it’s got to be Tide.

According to Jeff Spicoli and surfingsantacruz.com, tides are created because the Earth and the moon are attracted to each other, just like magnets are attracted to each other. These are known as lunar tides. The moon tries to pull at anything (except Rush Limbaugh) on the Earth to bring it closer. But, the Earth is able to hold onto everything except the water and sometimes Oprah.

Since the water is always moving, the Earth cannot hold onto it, and the moon is able to pull at it The moon is pulling upwards on the water while the earth is pulling downward. Slight advantage to the moon and thus we have tides. And as we know, tides go to the runner.

Each day, there are two high tides and two low tides. The ocean is constantly moving from high tide to low tide, and then back to high tide. There is about 12 hours and 25 minutes between the two high tides, or about the same amount of time it will take me to catch up on the episodes I missed of the first three seaons of “Justified.”

When the sun and moon are aligned, there are exceptionally strong gravitational forces, causing very high and very low tides which are called spring tides, though they have nothing to do with the season. The gravitational force of the moon is one ten-millionth that of earth, or the same odds that I will one day be paid for writing this blog. But when you combine other forces such as the earth’s centrifugal force created by its spin, you get tides. Or as the Spin Doctor say, “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong.”

The sun’s gravitational force on the earth is only 46 percent that of the moon. This makes the the moon the single most important factor for the creation of tides. And Tide knows fabric best. Since the moon moves around the Earth, it is not always in the same place at the same time each day. So, each day, the times for high and low tides change by 50 minutes. I believe it was either George Carlin or author Robert C. Gallagher who said, “Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.”

So to then complete my tidal wonderings, I kayaked over to the wharf to photograph some sea lions up on one of the boat landings. But Instead, much to my delight, there was a pod of around 60 lions lounging right off the pier. Rumor has it that earlier in the morning the crowd numbered 300, but I was happy to catch this group of rafting revelers.

So being that it was low tide city in the morning all of last week, after Tuesday’s outing I headed up to Four Mile Beach on Wednesday and Natural Bridges on Thursday. Both trips, much like the NBA conference finals, had their magic moments, and I’ll blast out these photos along with my thoughts on Larry Bird in the upcoming weeks.

On to some late night. “According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked large amounts of marijuana. You know what that means? He could be our first green president. Unemployment is still looking pretty bad. In fact, the White House has a new slogan on job creation: ‘Hope and change the subject.’ The unemployment numbers are higher than President Obama was in high school.” –Jay Leno

“On Friday, President Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago for the first time in over a year. It was nice – he even went down to the basement and dusted off some old campaign promises. Mitt Romney has been giving his volunteers a free sweatshirt for making phone calls on his behalf. The sweatshirts are just like Romney, 100 percent reversible.” –Jimmy Fallon

“A new survey found that Mitt Romney is ahead of Obama among those who make $36,000-$90,000. Or as Romney put it, ‘And they said I can’t
connect with the poor.’ Obama gave Bon Jovi a ride to New York City on Air Force One. Makes sense – Bon Jovi’s living on a prayer, while Obama’s campaigning on one.” –Jimmy Fallon “There’s a rumor that President Obama will stop by today’s L.A. Kings hockey game. He doesn’t want to draw attention to himself. He just wants to blend in with all the other black, Hawaiian hockey fans.” –Conan O’Brien

So that’s all I’m giving of myself this week. Try and take a moment to be grateful for all you have. We’ll catch you blowing the minds of NBA fans and reminding people why you’re the king. Aloha, mahalo and later, LeBron James fans

Good morning and greetings, NFL playoff fans. For the lovers of pro football, January is prime-time, as this past weekend featured chop blocks, gang tackling and vicious helmet-to-helmet hits, and that was just fans tailgating in the parking lot. And let’s not forget enough scantily-clad cheerleaders and beer commercials to make my head explode. When you throw in college football’s Rose Bowl, the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl and my personal favorite, the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl that came with sour cream and chives, it was quite a week on the pigskin front.

There was also some interesting moments in the skies above Monterey Bay. As I mentioned in my last post, my Canon Rebel EOS suffered a stroke and died on the morning of New Year’s Eve, leaving me digitally challenged. And for some unexplained reason, I don’t have a backup camera to get me through prime times like this, which leaves me and Dusty Springfield wishing and hoping and thinking and praying that the skies don’t light up on a spectacular level when I’m lensless. Well, it may not have been Murphy’s Law taking effect, but last Wednesday night was one for the ages on many levels.

Now in my own weakside defense, and I really have none, I had brought along my daughter’s camera just in case the sky blew up on this night. All afternoon it looked as if the sunset had more potential than the 2011 New York Jets, and I knew there would be a window between my son and daughter’s basketball games to take in the sights and sounds. So when I exited the gym at 4:30 and checked out the sky, I could see the motherlode was coming, so I took off for Stockton Avenue to take in this midweek wonder.

The sky was already blowing up with unusual colors and texture as I hit West Cliff Drive. I took out my daughter’s Kodak Easy Share camera and prepared to shoot away. The only problem was, NOW HER CAMERA WASN’T WORKING. I thought to myself, relax, take a deep breath and try to enjoy this upcoming incredible experience that you won’t be capturing. Enjoy the moment. Of course, if you know me, you know this really wasn’t totally possible.

Now people always say to me, “Geoff, can’t you just enjoy watching the sunset?” Well, I could if I wasn’t a photographer and didn’t have a photo blog where each week I attempt to showcase the best from the skies and byways of the central coast. And just my luck, my Etch A Sketch was in the shop so I was out there alone, just me and a sky that would turn into clouds of purple mountain majesties. This was way above the fruited plain on a night oh so beautiful with spacious skies and amber waves of greatness.

So I sucked it up and accepted my photographic fate like a real man by sobbing uncontrollably for about ten minutes. In reality, I know looking at the bigger picture, there are worse fates, like if my TiVO went down. It was just disappointing to know what was coming and that my cyber audience was not going to be part of the festivities. Okay, so I’m a giver. Just don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

My daughter’s game was now underway so I returned to the gym at Natural Bridges. I stood by the door and went to check the sunset every couple of minutes, as the skies were now a 360 degree canvas of unbelievable colors and designs.

To the east, the sky was as passionately pink as I’ ve ever seen it at sunset, while to the west there were riveting ribbons of orange and later red. My neighbor said it was like looking into a fire, a burning caldron of January color and pagentry. The reflection upon the ocean and sand was off the charts, although I didn’t have the emotional strength to go and look. Plus, my daughter was seeing some first-half minutes, and I didn’t want to miss any crossover action.

So the bottom line was, this was the most fantastic sunset that I’d ever seen but not photographed. So when I walked through the door at home after watching my son and daughter combine for two wins and 24 points, I wondered, what’s for dinner and what can I do to make up for this missed opportunity of greatness? At times like this, there’s only one place I can go. No, not to Disneyland, but to my photo archives.

We’re heading back to the evening of January 22, 2008, which was an epic night on the central coast. It was a most extreme low tide day (photo #3) as I was able to walk completely around the arch at Its Beach, something I’ve only done twice in my short but defense-oriented life.

I was shooting the exposed barnacles and sea stars when someone said, “Do you see the rainbow through the arch? (photo #4.) Then a snowy egret flew through and I shot it landing in the exposed kelp beds in front of the arch. I could just sense that this evening, much like my first chocolate milk shake, was going to be very special.

As you can see, the sky just went off from here, ending with a very colorful canvas (photo #6) that had friends and anemones buzzing. But here’s the kicker, and I don’t mean the guy that missed the three field goals for Stanford in the Fiesta Bowl.

The next night, I photographed my all-time favorite, Santa Cruz sunset up at Natural Bridges. We’re talking back-to-back, world-class nights in the skies above the central coast. To check it out, go the archives on the right, click on January 2011 and “Does This Sunset Make Me Look Fat?” will pop up like A-Rod with the bases loaded in a playoff game.

So the good news is that I’ve ordered a new camera and I should be back in business before Rick Perry exits the presidential race. I hope some of you caught the spectacle in the January 4th sky. In the words of my old pal Marc Techner, a West Cliff regular at sunset time, “It was magical. The colors, from the different shades of pink and purple and fuchsia just lit up the whole sky. It was totally incredible, one of the best ever.” Thank you and stay thirsty, my friends.

On to a little late night. “As I was coming out here, CBS News predicted the winner of the Iowa Republican caucuses: President Obama. So now that Michele O’Bachmann is out, that leaves Mitt Romney with best hairdo.” –David Letterman “Rick Santorum’s campaign is celebrating the Iowa caucuses with a pizza party. Here’s the embarrassing part: It was delivered by Herman Cain.” –Jay Leno

So that’s a wrap. Enjoy the warm winter weather, the ongoing NFL playoffs and we’ll catch you in the end zone. Aloha, mahalo and later, Drew Brees, Eli Manning and Tim Tebow fans.